I can see you're inspired by Horikoshi-sensei by some degree but I recommend learning more about the anatomy as well. Characters come off as a bit stiff. Also avoid using only text on a page and try to add some sort of imagery with that text as well. What does 108 bodies mean btw?
I feel the same with the previous comment. You're art is wonderful but some pages stuck out cause the next page would be beautifully toned but the next one would be white with weaker line art. And the story jump way too fast after the first few pages. Overall I'd like to see more maybe as a reboot.
Just a critique, please don't take it too heart to much. The girl they liked didn't feel important. Adding a few more pages could've helped this. And for the other Shinichi's adding more exaggerated faces would've been better.
Very strong twist at the end for sure! Were you inspired by Horikoshi sensei at all, as I see some of his techniques in your work as well. Could be coincidence. Your character art is stellar and I think all you need more practice is the action scenes.
I liked your concept of dealing with inner darkness. You could have expanded on the concept more since you only used 40 pages. If I were to add some critiques it would be that the character Ali doesn't feel too necessary to the main story at all and the cat is really random.