Word
heh.
vent I suppose? I dunno. and before any of you ask, no, I don't want to talk about it. scroll at your own risk, i guess.
I'm so sick and tired of this constant numbness. This continual disconnection from everyone and everything. I don't feel like I'm really here anymore. I barely know who I am. I'm just a reflection of everyone I meet. I take their good traits and mirror them. I don't really have my own personality, do i? If I do I don't know what it is. I can't tell. I barely feel alive anymore. It doesn't feel like I'm actually here. I feel like an illusion. A space filler. I sit with my hand resting with my fingertips on my windpipe and the temptation to just claw and tear it out of my throat is overwhelming. Would anyone notice if I left? Would anyone *care*? Doesn't feel like it. I could die today and nobody would care. I'm just kind of here. No purpose to fufill, no one to please. I'm just. Here.
I'm sorry for wasting your time.
I'm so sick and tired of this constant numbness. This continual disconnection from everyone and everything. I don't feel like I'm really here anymore. I barely know who I am. I'm just a reflection of everyone I meet. I take their good traits and mirror them. I don't really have my own personality, do i? If I do I don't know what it is. I can't tell. I barely feel alive anymore. It doesn't feel like I'm actually here. I feel like an illusion. A space filler. I sit with my hand resting with my fingertips on my windpipe and the temptation to just claw and tear it out of my throat is overwhelming. Would anyone notice if I left? Would anyone *care*? Doesn't feel like it. I could die today and nobody would care. I'm just kind of here. No purpose to fufill, no one to please. I'm just. Here.
I'm sorry for wasting your time.
But I like to take things from that book and just use it to calm myself down on these things =>
But it talks about.. being aware basically. You know how you say that you feel lost? The book talks about that. It's like being lost in your own thoughts.
There's A LOT of topics on this, but basically, you aren't your thoughts, nor your experiences, nor your fears, you just NOTICE them. You are aware. You ARE awareness.
Confusing I know- But I just wanted to let you know that there IS a book about this!
In the meanwhile, I really hope that you find ways to feel better <33