Dear annon, First off, get it right, my name is Lilian. I should die. I know that. I’m told by everyone in my life I should disappear. If I kill myself all it’ll do is kill me faster. I’m not a liar. I’m 15, my birthday is September 11, my boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago because I wouldn’t stop cutting, I can’t focus on anything in my life because of what the fuck has happened on here. I don’t steal art. I don’t reference anything. I’m a crybaby. I’m stupid. You can go ahead and claim I’m a catfisher because I can gère two shits what people think of me as anymore. I’m tired of fighting. I’m not an attention seeker. I’m not gonna talk to anyone who starts a fight. I’m not that kind of person. I hate fights because at the end of it all there’s always a bloody arm involved.
No one was home, I had several deep deep cuts in my skin, and I had left my phone inside the house. So I decided to pull myself out of the hole and I actually stood up and wobbly made my way to the back door. You’re probably asking yourself, “why does she use a wheelchair if she could walk already??” I can’t walk. I kept my feet inwards so I could balance and slowly dragged my feet. I do physical therapy for an entire day once a week and my appointment is tomorrow actually. I dragged myself across the floor in the kitchen and grabbed unused dish rags to pack into the wounds to stop the bleeding. I looked around for my stepdad’s medical supplies because he’s a surgeon and he keeps suture needles and suture threads. I grabbed the hydrogen peroxide and poured it on the wounds to clean them. Then I took the bottle of benadize and poured it on the skin and began to stitch my self up. I know how to stitch skin together because my dad taught me how to.
But I decided to go on there anyway. So I go out there and wheeled to right about the middle of the deck and that’s where the wood was the worst. I set my breaks and look into the trees that are growing in the back of our house. I listened to the birds and then the deck just collapsed. Just like that!
First off, I was home alone all by myself. So I went out to our deck in my wheelchair and I had no idea that the wood was rotting out at the time. My wheels weigh about 210 lb each because the wheels are battery powered and they are automatic wheels. I hated the deck already as it is because one of the nails popped a hole in my expensive ass wheels a year ago.