I just need to rant

I honestly feel so ineffectual right now. I am without use. I cant help anyone anymore, I cant handle every single one of my friends telling me about how much they want to kill themselves. I want to help, but how can I tell someone not to kill themselves, that they should never think about doing it, when I think about doing so every day? I don't cut or anything, because I don't want people to worry about me. I wouldnt be able to handle it if people looked at me all the time, like they do when they find out about my mom. Shes not a good person. Get over it. Thanks. I want to help people, that's what I'm going to go to college for. Counseling psychology. I need to help. I feel like that's the only reason I'm here.