The story progresses well, and it looks professional. Keep up the good work.

The cameraman's dialogue about the sister being killed in an Elemental's attack doesn't have to include any mention the attack itself since Djimon's following dialogue implies as much. the "that resulted" term also makes it sound unnatural.

The panel in the top left of the final page might be more effective if it was drawn as a distressful call for help instead of a reaction shock.

The doctor's dialogue at the end of the stair scene currently implies someone else of screen is talking which I don't think is the case at least, but I might be reading it wrong.

I feel like the only problem with page 5 is the bottom right corner panel which just needs the camera moved up for a more natural angle. I don't think it's as bad as you think it is. (Same with page 4.)

Glows-
- The background and character art looks great.
- Small extra details like the hair clip creates emotional attachment to the story.
- Good pacing

Grows-
- We never see an establishing shot of the park at the start which isn't too important, but it is common practice which may hold the work back from being professional. Starting with a character's question could also be expanded upon like the question is a bit removed from a fun day at the park. Maybe have the niece see a young couple which she compares to her single aunt, or have her ask a bunch of random questions during a snack break to show her curious nature.
- Much of the main relationship is told to us or shown in pieces and I wish we saw a really good conversation showing their chemistry before the ending.

Better than anything I could do.

Glows:
The pacing is great
Art is on point with dark backgrounds supporting the atmosphere and squiggles looking random enough while still looking intentional
Engaging story

Grows
The black in the background is not full enough sometimes. I think it's a physical drawing, so it can't be helped, but professional mangaka use ink for physical drawing or they scan the sketch so they can shade digitally which is more clean. This is only a problem when she's in the mirror world.

Also in the mirror world it seems like you break the 180 degree rule which states that the character should stay on the same side of the page for the scene as flipping it around confuses the audience. The physical self is on the left in the wide shot, but she is on the right at the bottom of the page and there for the rest of the scene. The confusion makes sense for this story but it feels strange.

Panels like Pg2 panel 2 and Pg3 panel 9 can be cut, move panel 1 of 4 to 3. More clean to have less per pg.