Ehmmm.....

Oh! I almost forgot! In oneshots like this it would be preferable to stay besides thos groups of characters instead of multiple jumps. It would help either with pacing and readability (as a story)!

Such a great read and an impressive style! As everyone mentions, inspiration from Fujimoto are clearly visable, which is fine! Thing with style is... as long as we draw we will keep evolving. So should your style and personal voice!
As of some crituque from me. Some frames are off or readability is hard. For example, frame at page ten is completely out of pocket. The style should remain grounded imo... Another example is a whole war section, everything is presented in close ups, or american shots. I would love to see a wider shot so we can recognize who is attacking who and from where! I would also add some minor drawing issues, but I think you will iron them out over time!
Overall, this oneshot peaks right in a moment when Cumulus appears! Would love to see more fxcked up sh*t like this in a next one!

Love to see experimenting with different styles!

Im being harsh, but I rly care about groth of manga artists! I can see a lot of love in your work, dont waste your potential!

Now its time for possitives.
I like the promise that your style gives, strong lineart, huge rough shaped eyes, grittiness, dynamic fights, great amount of detail put into many scenes. I especially love the page 28 when we get introduced to the girl character. It reminds me of the style of Kei Urana (Gachiakuta - worth checking). Entire vibe speak to me, and I would love to see grow as a creator and expand this into series!
(Oh, i almost forgot, i have my last complain!)
At the beginning we are immediatly thrown into the action, I craved some context, whats happening, who is who. Coz at the beginning all 3 characters could be our MC. Later, we meet MC's nemesis, but we dont exactly know who he is either, what is he doing, and how MC found him that easily. Lastly, after the fight with the lady, she doesnt share her name and fight quickly turns into some weird comedy ;-;.

Next, I must put a nig emphesis on your drawings. They have they charm, but lack consitency and clearness. Especially faces, they need to remain consistent and polished. For example, the eye on the page 4 and 45. The difference in style is visable by the first glance. I have to mantion what Max_A_Million said, your drawing are too dark, black even. Then so, lack clarity needed to readable. Ofc not a whole manga is like that. For example page 12 when our hero jumps to the air is nice. He is black and the rest of his suroudings are light. I would follow that way of drawing!
Lastly, the story and the whole flow. Overall concept is captivating, but rather known (ex. Tokyo Ghoul, Ajin, Chainsaw man). I would like to see some break from the formula of an cursed outcast figthing with cruel world around him. I can see the light in the tunnel. Our hero could become twisted villain. By being a demon and being hunted, he could focus on destroying entire system no matter the cost.

I will share my thoughts from the perspective of someone getting a bechelors degree on manga, with my own debute series in making.
I will start with some criticism. First of all, I would encourage you to make your manga reading from Right to Left. It will help with reading it on this page. Making the whole experience much more fluid. Second thing is paneling, overall I can read all of them, but lack of spacing between panels makes whole manga unreasonably clattered. You should use thin spaces for vertical purposes and wider ones for horizontal. I would recommand closely analysing manga you admire made by pros. It helped me a lot in my process!
Another thing, yout speach bubbles have unecesserely thick out line, you could easily shrink them and leave this thickness for IMAPACTFULL moments.

I think thats your best manga yet! Everything is understandable and well thought out. I also fell in love with your unique style, its a great blend of classic manga and the west comic. I’m looking forward for the next chapters! Cheers!

I see a lot of inspiration from Fujimoto sensei's work! From the style of the characters, sillyness and the linework, but... it still has it's own personallity! The amount of work you have put, must've been enormous! I keep my fingers crossed for your future success!