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How about , no ?

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☆ vent ☆

okay, I know I haven’t vented in quite a while. I’ve been hiding my emotions and keeping things bottled up, I just need to get my thoughts out for once to feel refreshed after bottling up thoughts.

I wanna sleep, but I honestly can’t. there’s this thought that’s been haunting me for a few days, I guess you could word it that way. I’m scared. this thought. it caused anxiety. it causes stress.
what if austin leaves me soon? what if he leaves me then he’s not by my side anymore? what if he leaves me and he isn’t there to tell me everything’s okay? what if he betrays me like the other guys who “loved” me? I know, I shouldn’t dwell up on thoughts like that, but I honestly can’t help it. if I lost austin, all of my happiness would be gone. I would never be myself anymore. my dad says he’s positive we’re gonna break up soon. what if that’s true? what will I do if I lost the person, which is austin, who put back real smiles on my face..who caused me to stop cutting when it got fucking terrible back in october (if any of you remember)..who caused me to stop attempting these suicidal actions..who proved to me that I’m actually loved. I don’t want my dad’s words to be true. but they might be, what if austin really does leave me in a few months? I’ve been crying myself to sleep lately about this thought. yes, I told austin these thoughts. he even made a promise with me. “kylie, I promise..I promise I will be here by your side til the day you die..I promise to never leave you..I love you”
please..keep that promise..austin..

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☆ henlo uwu ☆

so austin just left (he stayed for about 10 hours uwu) and I had fun :3
he watched a lot of markiplier with me so that was a big yeet
and guys..i swear I have a good boyfriend..he made me dinosaur chicken nuggets cuz I fucking love them xD
I feel like today wasn't really the best for him to come over though
cuz I was pretty moody here and there cuz uh..thisisgonnabeembarassingbutyougirlsshouldknowhyxD
but I mean..he does think its adorable when im moody so I guess that's a win for him-

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☆ henlo uwu ☆

so austin just left (he stayed for about 10 hours uwu) and I had fun :3
he watched a lot of markiplier with me so that was a big yeet
and guys..i swear I have a good boyfriend..he made me dinosaur chicken nuggets cuz I fucking love them xD
I feel like today wasn't really the best for him to come over though
cuz I was pretty moody here and there cuz uh..thisisgonnabeembarassingbutyougirlsshouldknowhyxD
but I mean..he does think its adorable when im moody so I guess that's a win for him-

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☆☆☆

why? why is austin acting this way? he's starting to treat my emotions like nothing. I feel like I don't exist anymore. like he's ignoring me. "I love you," he says. no. no he fucking does not. if he really loved me, would he be acting like a dumbass? if he loved me, would he pay attention on how he's hurting me? if he loved me, would he listen and respect the things I say? if he loved me, would he be ignoring me? everything is leading to nothing but hurt now. and he's just making it worse. he clearly doesn't want me anymore. he hates me. I just know it. and its really annoying. sorry to say but, guys. I think me and austin are about to come to an end. I really don't want to do this, but it might be the best choice. I just need a few days to make my decision. he's just causing too much stress on me.

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