It’s fun, but…
1 week ago
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Drawing something like this for me is a ton of fun, but even this isn’t IT.
I’m scared of everything and I’m especially scared of not knowing who i am and what I want. It is true that I have felt the deepest and strongest emotions while either working or dreaming about my projects… but other times when i work on them it feels like a chore, something i want to stop doing as soon as possible. I avoid working on my projects and anything meaningful and I don’t “work on myself”. I really want to become an artist, but what i’m so scared of is finding out that I'm actually just EMPTY… forcefully stimulating myself just to feel something, just consuming and consuming like a black hole… but everything that I’ve “consumed”, everything that made me feel, anything or anyone that inspired me… to respect it all I can’t stop trying. Maybe I don’t have what it takes to be a good artist, maybe I am super weak and always scared of everything… but my dreams and my ideas… are they all really fake?
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