Crappy vent.
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4年前
*/10
I’m trying to be better, for mom. I’m trying so hard, but it’s not enough. I’m okay for a while. Then I relapse into my lazy bad habits.
Why can’t I stop?
I want to. I NEED to change. But I can’t. It seems easy, to be good, to not relapse.
But it’s so hard. I don’t know how.
I want out of this cycle. I want to be good for my family, not be lazy. I want it so bad it hurts. Mom says it’s easy, if you have the instructions and the will to do it.
What am I missing??
It’s easy to hide in mind like a turtle shell. Blocking everything out. Dreaming all day.
Then reality. I always have to go back to reality.
I have to be good again.
I want help. I want to change. I need to.
Help me.
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