*cough*
Vent? I dunno, read if youโd like dude ๐๐
Abuse is mentioned I think, depends on what I write-
Look dudes, as much as I could water this down, my mental health has probably been dropping like the end of the Roaring 20โs since- well October (haha black Tuesday reference)
School drama was just about enough during that month and then my fatherโs deadly antics started again because he hurt his shoulder during that time. I had been caught up with marching band and things, and dealing with my dad basically relapsing to his old ways just made everything worse-
late October, not many people to talk my because of separate classes and new people, so loneliness was there except for the people who talked to me on medi-
it was the second to last home game (football=pep band) and friend drama made me feel absolutely horrible buuuut luckily one of my friends were there throughout the game- ( I remember these words during that argument: โI will lose every friend I have, because of *you*โ) I also hurt my knee cap really bad after halftime performance so that wasnโt it. then I got home to a drunk father(Btw, my dad is basically an alcoholic-) and that didnโt go well. The arguing got so bad that my sister snuck us out around 4 am and got back at 12 like nothing ever happened-
That killed me but I went to the park that day and just stayed away from parents to at least get some sense of relaxation ๐ฟ
A few months ago, my dad got drunk again and he got physical, the first time my dad tried to attack my mom, I was going to get my sister and she wasnโt home. And I forget that I usually get anxiety jitters when I donโt feel safe or Iโm scared, I had those jitters almost the whole night- I swear, it was not okay to see my dad fight my mom, and my sister and I having to intervene to defend my mom. It still really bothers me because I had to literally hold my dadโs arm back so he wouldnโt punch my sister- he pulled me away from my siblings when we tried to leave the place, I felt scared there too. We eventually snuck out later while my brother distracted him over a call. I still remember everything from that time but itโs just the watered down version
Things build up, and I donโt know what to do with those things that build up- I can talk to people, but it doesnโt feel like enough so I just keep it to myself, itโs not good but it is enough- itโs the reason why I probably sound or look annoyed irl or even on medi-
when someone doesnโt talk to me for a day or two without reasoning, I freak out because Iโll always think that itโs my fault (what a pushoverโผ๏ธ) and Iโm always too afraid to reach out, which is stupid because itโs a friend- but I feel disconnected from that person so I just drop it, especially when they - d o n t - make an effort to talk to me after I say something- like dude, cmon i wouldnโt do that to you- thatโs not right.
Friends that ghost me has happened already, my ex best friend for example, AND YES! IT STILL BOTHERS ME, EVEN AFTER 3 YEARS NOW- it bothers me when I donโt get an answer why they ghosted me, itโs stupid
So yeah, a lot of things running through the brain of mine, itโs the only way I can put it right now. Vent art doesnโt cut out for me, the closes I can get is to that latest drawing, which relates to the, โwhen they donโt make an effort to talk to you back,โ because the messages I send makes it feel like Iโm โtalking to myselfโ? (Totally NOT the name of the illustration, crazy head)
If you got any questions about the family part of this vent, you can ask, just no promises about an answer- thatโs literally a chapter book of telling ๐
And yes, all these things are from October through well- almost to this day, yippie
Abuse is mentioned I think, depends on what I write-
Look dudes, as much as I could water this down, my mental health has probably been dropping like the end of the Roaring 20โs since- well October (haha black Tuesday reference)
School drama was just about enough during that month and then my fatherโs deadly antics started again because he hurt his shoulder during that time. I had been caught up with marching band and things, and dealing with my dad basically relapsing to his old ways just made everything worse-
late October, not many people to talk my because of separate classes and new people, so loneliness was there except for the people who talked to me on medi-
it was the second to last home game (football=pep band) and friend drama made me feel absolutely horrible buuuut luckily one of my friends were there throughout the game- ( I remember these words during that argument: โI will lose every friend I have, because of *you*โ) I also hurt my knee cap really bad after halftime performance so that wasnโt it. then I got home to a drunk father(Btw, my dad is basically an alcoholic-) and that didnโt go well. The arguing got so bad that my sister snuck us out around 4 am and got back at 12 like nothing ever happened-
That killed me but I went to the park that day and just stayed away from parents to at least get some sense of relaxation ๐ฟ
A few months ago, my dad got drunk again and he got physical, the first time my dad tried to attack my mom, I was going to get my sister and she wasnโt home. And I forget that I usually get anxiety jitters when I donโt feel safe or Iโm scared, I had those jitters almost the whole night- I swear, it was not okay to see my dad fight my mom, and my sister and I having to intervene to defend my mom. It still really bothers me because I had to literally hold my dadโs arm back so he wouldnโt punch my sister- he pulled me away from my siblings when we tried to leave the place, I felt scared there too. We eventually snuck out later while my brother distracted him over a call. I still remember everything from that time but itโs just the watered down version
Things build up, and I donโt know what to do with those things that build up- I can talk to people, but it doesnโt feel like enough so I just keep it to myself, itโs not good but it is enough- itโs the reason why I probably sound or look annoyed irl or even on medi-
when someone doesnโt talk to me for a day or two without reasoning, I freak out because Iโll always think that itโs my fault (what a pushoverโผ๏ธ) and Iโm always too afraid to reach out, which is stupid because itโs a friend- but I feel disconnected from that person so I just drop it, especially when they - d o n t - make an effort to talk to me after I say something- like dude, cmon i wouldnโt do that to you- thatโs not right.
Friends that ghost me has happened already, my ex best friend for example, AND YES! IT STILL BOTHERS ME, EVEN AFTER 3 YEARS NOW- it bothers me when I donโt get an answer why they ghosted me, itโs stupid
So yeah, a lot of things running through the brain of mine, itโs the only way I can put it right now. Vent art doesnโt cut out for me, the closes I can get is to that latest drawing, which relates to the, โwhen they donโt make an effort to talk to you back,โ because the messages I send makes it feel like Iโm โtalking to myselfโ? (Totally NOT the name of the illustration, crazy head)
If you got any questions about the family part of this vent, you can ask, just no promises about an answer- thatโs literally a chapter book of telling ๐
And yes, all these things are from October through well- almost to this day, yippie
