okay, I know I haven’t vented in quite a while. I’ve been hiding my emotions and keeping things bottled up, I just need to get my thoughts out for once to feel refreshed after bottling up thoughts.
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I wanna sleep, but I honestly can’t. there’s this thought that’s been haunting me for a few days, I guess you could word it that way. I’m scared. this thought. it caused anxiety. it causes stress.
what if austin leaves me soon? what if he leaves me then he’s not by my side anymore? what if he leaves me and he isn’t there to tell me everything’s okay? what if he betrays me like the other guys who “loved” me? I know, I shouldn’t dwell up on thoughts like that, but I honestly can’t help it. if I lost austin, all of my happiness would be gone. I would never be myself anymore. my dad says he’s positive we’re gonna break up soon. what if that’s true? what will I do if I lost the person, which is austin, who put back real smiles on my face..who caused me to stop cutting when it got fucking terrible back in october (if any of you remember)..who caused me to stop attempting these suicidal actions..who proved to me that I’m actually loved. I don’t want my dad’s words to be true. but they might be, what if austin really does leave me in a few months? I’ve been crying myself to sleep lately about this thought. yes, I told austin these thoughts. he even made a promise with me. “kylie, I promise..I promise I will be here by your side til the day you die..I promise to never leave you..I love you”
please..keep that promise..austin..