y is it tht whenever I friend some1 I become so fucking clingy and get so jealous when they hand out or even seem to have a better relationship w some1 than they do w me. ig I js can’t handle some1 else leaving me alone, not again. oh god pls pls PLS not again. I rlly can’t handle being left out, only used/talked to when bored or left alone again. ykw yea thts probably it he probably only talks to my lame ass bc he’s js bored. no one ever hangs out w me and enjoys it, no one hangs out w me and isn’t js bored. but I crave tht interaction, tht attention, tht care, tht friendship. I crave it sm, I js wanna be ok. I js want a real friend. some1 I can rely on. some1 ik will nvr leave me, replace me or only talk to me when they’re bored. pls i js want a friend. I’m a worthless little manipulative loser who can’t go a day without interaction, either it be online or irl. I’m a fucking piece of shit. a stress toy, a therapist, an extra little backup plan. nothing more. nothing less. I’m not a valuable or important part of anyone’s life, I wish I was. I wish I was some1 who no one could ever forget, I wish I was some1 who was able to leave a positive effect on others. Instead of js sitting here. in my room. writing this js bc I’m a clingy little nobody who doesn’t hve good friends. I wish ppl cared abt my wellbeing. my physical and mental wellbeing. but no, my friends in elementary told me, “ur being too negative.” “stop being so fucking depressed.” “u always body shame urself.” I feel like they nvr asked if I was ok or if I was happy or if I was comfortable or if I was doing better or if I was clean or if I wasn’t feeling left out or if I wasn’t having suicidal thoughts again. they nvr did, in elementary u needed to be tall or skinny or had a pixie cut or pretty or in a specific class to be popular. I didn’t have one of those qualities. not one. I was fat. I was ..too tall. I wasn’t pretty and I didn’t have a pixie cut. I’ll nvr be liked or popular. bc I’m not attractive enough, I’m not skinny enough, I’m not happy enough.



I’m not selfless enough. I’m a selfish little bastard. I only care abt myself and I’ll nvr be able to help other if I continue to be the way I am. if I continue living in this disgusting body. if I keep being ugly. if I keep being bad at smth as simple as art. if I js don’t give up.




…I’m not strong, I’ll nvr get through this. I wanna give up.