When I was a student in Middle School, I still remember perfectly well that one evening my Mom came home from work with news that really excited me back then. She said that her colleague was selling dozens of his manga collections since he was in need of money urgently. He was expecting his firstborn & everyone knows that nursing & taking care of babies require a lot of money. That is why he was willing to put his precious collections on sale. Knowing that her daughter is a big fan of manga and anime, my Mom offered me this chance to buy them. As a big fan of manga and anime early in my younger days, I totally agree with my Mom's offer to buy her colleague's manga collections just so I can have all of them in my collection. I waited and waited for some days until it finally arrived! The most-waited weeaboo possessions that every manga and anime fans have always wanted! Manga collections that my Mom's colleague used to have were home! I didn't expect to have around 12 super thick and they are manga magazines that look like nothing I have ever since before! It wasn't the usual singles of a manga series that is bound based on each volume released. it was a compilation of manga episodes bound into one huge manga magazine! I had these Hanalala & ShonenJump manga magazines displayed neatly on my book shelves. My Dad was also interested in reading them and he borrowed some from me to read in his spare time at home after work. I devoured every single one of them, I enjoyed turning every single page of it until I finished reading manga magazines one by one. Something caught my attention when I was reading one Hanalala manga magazine one day. I saw this dark, gloomy, yet beautifully drawn manga entitled VAMPIRE KNIGHT made by Hino Matsuri. There is something so bewitching and utterly beautiful about this one particular manga that I can't describe in words. I had fallen in love with Hino Matsuri's drawing style and narrative right at that moment! The experience was so breath-taking, I even still remember to this day that it was in 2010 when I first read VAMPIRE KNIGHT manga.

At the back of my mind, I always keep telling myself this: "IF YOU ARE A BIG FAN OF MANGA & ANIME, YOU SHOULD KNOW HOW TO DRAW AND BE ABLE TO DRAW IN MANGA STYLE NO MATTER WHAT!" Before I read Vampire Knight manga, my drawing style was always changing fluidly and they were very experimental. The anatomy of my manga-style drawing was always off and looked super weird especially on the facial features. Back then before I drown myself in Vampire Knight, I draw ears right at the same line where jaw lines ended and these ears look so misplaced it makes my characters look like mouse but I didn't really bother with it! HAHAHAHA.... After reading Vampire Knight, I started to study anatomy in Hino Matsuri's drawing style and even tried to copy the proportion on the face based on how I see and observe Hino Matsuri's works. I was so immersed in my attempt to draw beautifully to get the result that I really want, which is to be able to draw charming and visually appealing characters as Hino Matsuri does!. This kind of process continues for years and years until I finally realized that I somehow find it difficult to find my own authenthic drawing style that is originally made by me and not a copy or imitation of someone else's drawing style. Until 2013 I was so pleased with how my drawings look like. I could copy and imitate the way Hino Matsuri draws eyes, hairstyles, and drapery in clothes. Hino Matsuri-Sensei was such a big inspiration for me and I just can't simply let go of my obsessions towards Vampire Knight, Hino Matsuri's drawing style, and her other works. HINO MATSURI WAS LITERALLY MY GOD IN MANGA DRAWING! But then in 2014, I made a bold decision to change my drawing style by ripping off to pieces and throwing away my drawings and comic strips I have made for years which the visual looks that are similar to Hino Matsuri's drawing style -- everything dumped into my trash bin. Then after that, I took such a long break from drawing anything from the year 2014 until approximately around 2018 or 2019. I was such an active amateur artist back then when I was in Middle School and High School. I produced some original works of my OCs, fanarts, and even some watercolor and oil paintings. Right after I enter university, I draw quite inactively. I sort of abandoning my obsessions to become a mangaka and publish my own comics. I didn't draw as often as I used to do when I was in university studying for my Bachelor's degree and was focused on my study and try my best to achieve straight A in my transcript.

After several years of taking a long break from drawing, I finally decided to draw again. You know what? apparently, my attempt to change my drawing style is always failed! After all those years of not drawing actively as I used to doesn't really change my drawing style at all! It was so frustating!!! AARRGGGGHHH! I find myself drawing in what seems to be similar to Hino Matsuri-Sensei's drawing style, AGAIN!! Can you believe that? The way I draw eyes, hair, and drapery in clothes is still inspired by Hino Matsuri's drawing style. At that moment I realized that my obsessions with Vampire Knight manga when I was younger have left permanent marks of self-reminders in my subconscious mind that "HINO MATSURI-SENSEI'S DRAWING STYLE IS WHAT I AM AIMING TO ACHIEVE! SUCH BEAUTY IS WORTH-FIGHTING FOR!". Up to this day in 2021, each time I draw something be it a simple one like a chibi or a half body character they tend to look like Hino Matsuri-Sensei's drawing style that I have always loved and adore.

I guess that is my story on finding my drawing style. I cannot say that I am 100% imitating Hino Matsuri and try to be as perfect as her when it comes to drawing manga style. I do aspire to be as skillful as she is and I can't rub it off and deny the fact that I want to achieve such perfection in drawing style that looks like what we see in Vampire Knight manga. I am still learning to draw and express myself through arts. My journey to find my own authentic drawing style is still a long way to go. Wish me luck on that!

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DESCRIPTIONS:
~ The first 3 images are drawings that I made when I was in High School. Approximately there were made around 2012-2013. These 3 drawings look very obvious to the eyes since they were inspired by Hino Matsuri-Sensei's drawing style. Both first 3 images are done traditionally using markers, colored pencils, and mechanical pencils.

Thank you so much for reading my post! I know this is a long one, hahaha...
Have a nice day!
Stay safe and stay healthy wherever you are!

Cheers,
Gabby
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