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I’m free
rant (vent ish)

(idk what to consider a vent at this point lmao)
yesyes, ik I haven't posted anything in a hot second
I'm doing a design trade with a friend, and had a college visit today and stuff, been vv busy
anyway, back to business
I have anxiety induced insomnia, right? (I don't beat around the bush lmao)
if I have one more person tell me that if I just work out, I wont have insomnia anymore
I will light the world on fire
I've tried that so many different times, and it doesn't work
my anxiety still makes me replay every conversation I had that day, and makes me terribly anxious about what will happen tomorrow
also, if one more bloody person tells me that social anxiety isn't a real thing, ill- idek anymore, I'll commit a violent crime, probably arson related. my dad is convinced that i dont have social anxiety bc I have loud friends and can have a loud conversation with them without freaking out. like I haven't been friends with them for 7 years and know that they won't judge me for breathing wrong, or stuttering over my words. and they know my boundaries, while strangers don't. like, on my college visit today I had a minor freak out after I got done with lunch
bc people would accidentally brush up against me while trying to get food, and that's one of my things that makes my anxiety worse, ykyk?
also my father keeps on telling me that the only reason I want to go into psychology/human services is bc of my moms drug abuse and stuff
and like, ofc that's why I started to get interested in it, bc I wanted to know why. but it's a genuinely interesting topic and being a counselor is something I could really see myself doing (I do it with all my friends already lmao)
it's frustrating to have people downplay my interesting in things and brush it off, yk?
if u read all of that:
1.) sorry lmao that's a lot-
2.) pardon any and all spelling errors, I'm a mess
3.) thanks for comin to my Ted-talk ;))

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✨storytime✨

okay
so
m y b o y f r i e n d
this bitch- hes got the weather gods on his side, or something-

hes in track, and he was running the 800 meter, and it starts sleeting 5 minutes before hes supposed to run-
he rolled his eyes and said that he wanted it to stop
a n d i t d i d
so he goes and runs, then he comes back into the shed where we are hiding from the 3000000 mph wind
and it starts pouring rain
and the rain doesnt stop until he decides its time for him to go home
i dont know how he does it, but i want those weather powers bc its sleeted a couple times today
and it needs to stop
but nooo Mr. Minnesotaian likes his cold weather >:[

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  • Hahaha that's funny:DD that's some freaking dark magic shit right there bro lol

✨storytime✨

i hit my knee on the frame of my door as i was walking out, and to keep myself from cursing in the presence of my parents, i screeched, "oh cheese balls, that hurt like a biscuit-"
my brother looks over and says, "biscuits dont hurt?-"
i respond with, "biscuits dont hurt unless theyre burn-"
and my sleep deprived self decided that what i said was so damn funny, that i was going to go around my house chanting in a singsongy voice, "biscuits dont hurt unless theyre burnt." for a solid 10 minutes-
god help me-

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funniest thing just happened- /sarcastic

/ventish

so i have really bad social anxiety, but my dad doesnt believe that anxiety is an actual thing. like he's one of the people that is like, "its all in your head. its your fault that you had a panic attack."
so we had an assembly today about mental health(like depression and anxiety) and i was telling my dad about it- dumb idea cause he scoffs and says, "oh about overstimulation and all that bullshit??"
it took everything in my power to not turn around and fucking snap at him
ive literally had a mental breakdown at school before and he refused to pick me up. he ignored my calls and shit too.
and he always is like, "i dont understand why you always are mad at me."
hmmmm
i d o n t k n o w ? maybe because you make me feel like an actual piece of shit everysingle day??
i almost killed myself last night, and i kinda want to know how fucking bad he would feel bc he didnt believe me.

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  • > Jen Jen thank you, it means a lot :) i hope that youre feeling better too!

  • > Tak Np! I hope this situation gets better for you… trust me I 100% get what you’re going through!… my thoughts have been VERY similar in the past- (I’m saying past as in, last few months)

  • > Jen Jen yeah, ive tried to explain it to him before but that didnt work out well lol thank you tho :)

  • Oh no… please don’t kill yourself! I’ve felt a similar way before… parents don’t usually understand what anxiety is like. They just don’t get it sometimes… I get VERY anxious when it comes to speaking to new people, and they think I’m ridiculous… don’t let this get to you pls!…

alright, so, uh

im going to formally apologise for a topic i posted earlier. i already deleted it and stuff :/
it was completely out of line for me to get pissed in the first place, it had nothing to do with me.
ive been stressed recently, and that was why i got irritated. im not excusing my actions, simply poviding an explaination
you have the right to block whoever you please, and i cant tell you any differently.
so, uh, sorry agian
i was acting really childish, and out of character...
sorry if i pissed anyone off or started more drama or anything ://

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  • Thank you for the apology.

  • It's alright :3 I know what it's like being stressed and everything :3 and the way I acted was being a friend :3 Hope ur having a wonderful day 🎧🎶💙

alright broskis

i have decided i wanna make a persona
but... h o w ?

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  • > Tak Ofc dude! yesss i get it- but it's also a character that you can connect to most because it's based on yourself :D heehe yes its very cool

  • > Drawinghermit thank you so much! bro im excited for this too- like its scary to put myself into a character, but cool at the same time lol-

  • > Roman Scythe that made me genuinely chuckle lol-

  • Yooo I'm hyped to see them! I'm seeing what other people have written- and they are correct :D You could just do what i did and be boring (that's directed at myself) and just draw yourself- or you can make someone that comepletely looks nothing like you- but represents you in some way! The options are infinite! You can also for example if you like this character from a video game and they have this really cool scarf that you love- you can have your persona wearing that! I'm exciting to see what u come up with bro!

you even just wish-

that you could make someone blush by just smiling at them?
or that you had a frikin timeturner so you could make it to your damn practices for all of the clubs your in??
those were two very different sides of the spectrum-

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  • > Tak hahahah so true >:D

  • > Drawinghermit exactly! they used to run around in circles collecting toilet paper to make castles out of!

  • > Tak oh my gosh totally >:000 oh well, these mortals don't know whats good for them anways

  • > Drawinghermit i know right?! we are far superior, and could rule the world far better >:)