gn ^^
have a nice morning/avo/night, take care of yourselves, you deserve kindness to yourselves <3333
lil vent(?) ahead ig
i kinda wish i had more friends... ik it sounds kind of selfish since i already do have friends here and stuff, but i still long that close friendship where your friend is like your sibling
where they dont judge you for what you like and do
where you're always excited to be with them
where you both have similar mannerisms
and ofc no friends are perfect with each other, but... still
and ik if i want more friends then i should make the effort of talking to people, right ? well, irl i never really see anyone apart from strangers while shopping and people at two sports i attend to
and here on my only social media, i'm scared of talking to anyone-- i tend to think everyone doesnt like me or thinks i'm annoying or childish or something. there's people saying things like "why doesn't anyone talk to me ?" "i feel lonely" ect, but i've tried to talk to people before and it feels like they're just... not fond of me. and if they actually do like me, well.. doesn't last. it always feels like they just change their mind about me eventually--
and i just see so many people making fantastic friendships and having so much fun, and i just... feel so jealous and sad all of a sudden
and when someone finally does treat me as if i'm a close friend they've always loved, i get so many butterflies but also sadness deep in there somewhere because i know it wont last
maybe this friendship problem stems from when i was a lot younger when i had anger issues with my friends and all that, and they teamed up on me all the time and made friend groups the exact same but only difference was i wasn't in it. and they'd ban me from their Minecraft realms (again, lots of it is online since i almost barely had in-person interaction chances), spam kill me in-game, ect ect. and now i have slight attachment issues because well, my friends pushed me away from the friend group allll the time. same when people say "please dont interact with me," "i'd rather be friends with this person," ect, it kind of brings me back to that anger issued kid i was where friendship felt so fragile.
i shouldn't feel sorry for myself since i'm so lucky for so many other things in life, but... yeah, i guess everyone only pays attention to things they dont have rather than things they do
anywayyssss BIG rant lol
lil vent(?) ahead ig
i kinda wish i had more friends... ik it sounds kind of selfish since i already do have friends here and stuff, but i still long that close friendship where your friend is like your sibling
where they dont judge you for what you like and do
where you're always excited to be with them
where you both have similar mannerisms
and ofc no friends are perfect with each other, but... still
and ik if i want more friends then i should make the effort of talking to people, right ? well, irl i never really see anyone apart from strangers while shopping and people at two sports i attend to
and here on my only social media, i'm scared of talking to anyone-- i tend to think everyone doesnt like me or thinks i'm annoying or childish or something. there's people saying things like "why doesn't anyone talk to me ?" "i feel lonely" ect, but i've tried to talk to people before and it feels like they're just... not fond of me. and if they actually do like me, well.. doesn't last. it always feels like they just change their mind about me eventually--
and i just see so many people making fantastic friendships and having so much fun, and i just... feel so jealous and sad all of a sudden
and when someone finally does treat me as if i'm a close friend they've always loved, i get so many butterflies but also sadness deep in there somewhere because i know it wont last
maybe this friendship problem stems from when i was a lot younger when i had anger issues with my friends and all that, and they teamed up on me all the time and made friend groups the exact same but only difference was i wasn't in it. and they'd ban me from their Minecraft realms (again, lots of it is online since i almost barely had in-person interaction chances), spam kill me in-game, ect ect. and now i have slight attachment issues because well, my friends pushed me away from the friend group allll the time. same when people say "please dont interact with me," "i'd rather be friends with this person," ect, it kind of brings me back to that anger issued kid i was where friendship felt so fragile.
i shouldn't feel sorry for myself since i'm so lucky for so many other things in life, but... yeah, i guess everyone only pays attention to things they dont have rather than things they do
anywayyssss BIG rant lol
