An apology is a blessing to me. Without it guilt crushes me like a car crash, the pain and scars are raw. My tears as salty as the ocean, the salt of grief and guilt. I planted the seed of ignorance and I sowed it. I gave that seed life and it infested my judgement and emotions. Life is game I wish not to play. Life is a garden and I'm the weed that needs pulled. My life is wilted and dying. I failed to care for myself and I am failing to care for others. I've tried so hard. I am trying so hard. I'm sorry. So sorry. I can feel love and joy, but every time I find out they love me I run away refusing, because how can someone love a monster like me? To those who care, my troubles are deep, but my life is still valued as yours is too.