(idk what to consider a vent at this point lmao)
yesyes, ik I haven't posted anything in a hot second
I'm doing a design trade with a friend, and had a college visit today and stuff, been vv busy
anyway, back to business
I have anxiety induced insomnia, right? (I don't beat around the bush lmao)
if I have one more person tell me that if I just work out, I wont have insomnia anymore
I will light the world on fire
I've tried that so many different times, and it doesn't work
my anxiety still makes me replay every conversation I had that day, and makes me terribly anxious about what will happen tomorrow
also, if one more bloody person tells me that social anxiety isn't a real thing, ill- idek anymore, I'll commit a violent crime, probably arson related. my dad is convinced that i dont have social anxiety bc I have loud friends and can have a loud conversation with them without freaking out. like I haven't been friends with them for 7 years and know that they won't judge me for breathing wrong, or stuttering over my words. and they know my boundaries, while strangers don't. like, on my college visit today I had a minor freak out after I got done with lunch
bc people would accidentally brush up against me while trying to get food, and that's one of my things that makes my anxiety worse, ykyk?
also my father keeps on telling me that the only reason I want to go into psychology/human services is bc of my moms drug abuse and stuff
and like, ofc that's why I started to get interested in it, bc I wanted to know why. but it's a genuinely interesting topic and being a counselor is something I could really see myself doing (I do it with all my friends already lmao)
it's frustrating to have people downplay my interesting in things and brush it off, yk?
if u read all of that:
1.) sorry lmao that's a lot-
2.) pardon any and all spelling errors, I'm a mess
3.) thanks for comin to my Ted-talk ;))