I haven't been there. I'm sorry. I'm thinking about some stuff and I'm physically ill so I just don't. I don't want to be online. I'm trying not to do the things I'll regret. I need to be here for everyone else. And I haven't been talking to Dannie and Viccy. I'm so inconsiderate. I don't deserve friends when all I fucking do is get pissy and treat them like shit. I am pathetic, sincerely. So inferior to everyone else, I want to laugh. I deserve it. I know I do. I deserve it and I'm scared. I'm scared of what I might do. I don't feel safe and I want to cry. Not that I deserve safety. I am aware people love me and I'm grateful. My friends, family, and my dog are there for me. I know. But I'm selfish. Horrendously selfish. I'm sorry. I always say I'm sorry when I leave for random periods. My friends know that, and I am so fucking angry that you have a friend like this and you don't stand up for yourself. You deserve better. Please stop letting me hurt you like this. Please. You always deserved better.