vent







friendsssssssssss
wish i had one i could love forever
one i could actually talk to regularly
one who would actually be similar enough to me
one where we wouldn't have a fragile glass thread between us that i had to carefully handle or otherwise would break
a friend i can actually enjoy being with without just worrying about losing them the whole time
perhaps i'm the problem
i just suck at communicating, dont i ? i can't control my tone of voice for the life of me, i struggle with showing emotion and end up just looking bored/fed up/angry because i feel that if i show any kind of part of me, i could lose them or something. or weaken our bond or whatever.
maybe i should just act like myself and not care anymore. that would probably help. i just need to NOT CARE about what they'll think of me, not care about having friends, then i'll attract the right people who like me for me and are similar to me.
when i see other people (usually online) talking to each other, having no problems, having lots in common, and saying whatever they want, i feel envious. i feel sad. that feeling has been around ever since i was 7. i've always had a dodgy relationship with friendships i guess
i'm also super bad at talking in general irl to top it off