rant/vent below if you dont wanna read that stuff

to do list:
work on comic
draw new characters



i should work on my comic a lot more often-
sooooo, last night i went to my job induction (basically you're with a bunch of other people who got the job too and a manager talks us through stuff while we sit in a room and we do quizzes, answer questions, go on a tour ect) and at first i was fine until we had to answer questions, and write stuff down, do quizzes and stuff ;w; i'm so scared of doing things wrong and this was a perfect example. especially because everyone else was breezing through it all and i was really behind trying to catch up and listen to the manager at the same time- anyway, we also had to walk around the store and fill out a bunch of questions of where certain rooms and areas are, and that stressed me out so much omggg ;w; i just copied what everyone else was writing- siigghhh
and during sitting in that room at one point i realized i was breathing really shallowly, so i took a deep breath and then all of a sudden i was tense, kinda panicky, i wanted to move around (idk why, for comfort or something??), idk it was really weird. and i started having a small headache later in the induction.
i really wish i was so much more confident.... why cant i be smart enough to follow simple instructions and why do i find it so hard to pay attention to what someone's saying?? or just pay attention to schoolwork and important things in general. everyone else can do everything just fine and i'm here struggling to understand a simple question or something. and it's not like i was born with some condition, i'm completely normal, i'm just simply... dumb. i have no excuse to cover myself for being extremely dumb. i'm a slow thinker, i struggle to understand a simple phrase quickly, i have terrible memory, i dont know anything, i have no motivation, just ugh. i wish i was better. i'm always so tired. i wish i was less panicky and scared around other people. i thought the induction was gonna be easy, it's gonna be fine, like people told me, but it's never fine ;w; ofc i was gonna be so stressed, i wouldnt be me if i was not. i'm naturally just so negative about things, it's crazy.
i want to be smart. i want to see someone who thinks i'm cool in real life. i need more irl friends. i wish my personality was... more what i want it to be.
why do i have to be so.... easily overwhelmed?

sorry, this topic is probably way too long
i just complain a lot.