I don’t understand these expectations from my mother




I got a B on an assignment that I wasn’t able to get the materials on because I was sick for 5 days straight and couldn’t be at school, and she’s so upset at me
My last term report card, all A’s all P’s nothing else and I don’t even get a “good job”
Schools not easy for me either, I barely got by with them without begging my teachers to redo tests I absolutely failed, somehow squeaking by with a good grade
She didn’t even say she was proud of me, nothing, nothing at all, and I beat myself up for perfection all for what?
She’s refused talking to me all night
I don’t understand what more she wants me to do
Why I have to be so perfect
Crap, these grades don’t even count for college or anything like that
She doesn’t even care about me
She cares about herself
She wants to be able to brag about me to her coworkers
I’m not even that good
I almost feel like I’m sacrificing my sanity for her pleasure
And she doesn’t even care to check up on me
She doesn’t understand I have anxiety tics, because she’s never asked what the movement’s were
She doesn’t understand I have derealization, she doesn’t understand what it is when I try to explain it to her, because she doesn’t care to ask
God I hate oversharing like this but it all hurts so much and I want it to end
I want someone to say that I’m doing good and I’m ok
But I really can’t even say that to myself





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