I feel like a waste of space.
My friends leave school property for lunch every day but I can't go with them because my mom wont sign a form.
They always say "We'll stay with you tomorrow" or "We'll stay on this date" but they never make it up
One of my friends was making a plan to only go once a week so I wont be lonely and that alone makes me feel like a burden
Then one of my friends protests and says that they want to go off property more which makes me feel like an even bigger burden.
I feel like the worst friend for wanting them to stay.
Another one of my friends is going through a lot lately with some family issues and I feel like an attention seeker and feel guilty for feeling like this when they probably feel worse

Next, I feel like a horrible friend.
When my friends are better than me at something (art specifically), I always feel a sense of envy.
I feel ashamed of feeling like this because they're my friends and friends should be proud of each other. But no. I feel like a piece of garbage.

I need my friends and I can't imagine life without them but I want to feel more included without feeling like a burden

Is that too much to ask?

I'm never good enough. I don't think my friends like me, I don't think my classmates like me, I don't think anyone likes me so I try to excel in everything but I don't excel in anything.
I don't ever feel good enough.