Umm
I low key don't know what's wrong with me?
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So I've been keeping things, like alot of things. So for example, there's a piece of tissue somewhere, then something happens in my life that is amazing like a really fun event and when the event is over i feel like if i pick up the tissue and throw it out it feels like I'm going to completely erase the event from my head and never experience it again.
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I had these leggings that I always wore, when i was younger (about 14, but now I'll be 19 in 3 months) and i wore them once when one time I went into town with my mom, and i got something but i dont remember what it was, i loved it and it reminded me of childhood, i almost threw out those leggings today and mom said (in korean but I've translated it for u all) "i loved those leggings on you", now if it feels like if i throw them out, it feels like I'm erasing my childhood, my mom and my dad have been a part of my life even if they or I don't show it, so it feels like I'm making my mother non-existent if i throw them out as she gave them to me and i really like them and grew attached. I hate growing up and the fact that I'm almost a grown adult scares me, to many changes in my life and I'm not ready for it, I'm a self-consious (however you spell it) person so being like that makes me more emotional, i still feel like shit and growing up scares me, so it feels like if i bin those leggings it will feel like I'm erasing my life and my memories. I don't know what is up with me but all i know is im not myself lately. I've ignored medibang or any form of social media because I'm not up for it, i feel like shit and my habit of thinking "if i get rid of this I'm going to never have memories ever again and all the people that where in that happy part of my life back then wil be non-existent if i throw this out" I'm not myself and i feel like I'm going through something tragic even tho I'm not, no matter how hard i try I never seem to be able to let go.
I also talk to myself (yah i know loads of ppl do it aswell) because I feel like i can't socialise properly, yes I've got best friends and i love going places with them and being around them in general, but when I'm on my own i feel like I'm the odd one in this world. I'm an independent person aswell, but when i feel like shit, my confidence and independence goes DOWWWWWN.
I have more to rant about, but I'm not up for it and I'm really tired so il do it another time.
I might not be on for a while as I need to just get over myself, but still feel free to comment as i'll probably reply even if I'm not completely active.
(I'm not being an attention-whore, it's just when i rant and talk about something that bothers me I feel a little better about it)
.
.
.
So I've been keeping things, like alot of things. So for example, there's a piece of tissue somewhere, then something happens in my life that is amazing like a really fun event and when the event is over i feel like if i pick up the tissue and throw it out it feels like I'm going to completely erase the event from my head and never experience it again.
.
.
I had these leggings that I always wore, when i was younger (about 14, but now I'll be 19 in 3 months) and i wore them once when one time I went into town with my mom, and i got something but i dont remember what it was, i loved it and it reminded me of childhood, i almost threw out those leggings today and mom said (in korean but I've translated it for u all) "i loved those leggings on you", now if it feels like if i throw them out, it feels like I'm erasing my childhood, my mom and my dad have been a part of my life even if they or I don't show it, so it feels like I'm making my mother non-existent if i throw them out as she gave them to me and i really like them and grew attached. I hate growing up and the fact that I'm almost a grown adult scares me, to many changes in my life and I'm not ready for it, I'm a self-consious (however you spell it) person so being like that makes me more emotional, i still feel like shit and growing up scares me, so it feels like if i bin those leggings it will feel like I'm erasing my life and my memories. I don't know what is up with me but all i know is im not myself lately. I've ignored medibang or any form of social media because I'm not up for it, i feel like shit and my habit of thinking "if i get rid of this I'm going to never have memories ever again and all the people that where in that happy part of my life back then wil be non-existent if i throw this out" I'm not myself and i feel like I'm going through something tragic even tho I'm not, no matter how hard i try I never seem to be able to let go.
I also talk to myself (yah i know loads of ppl do it aswell) because I feel like i can't socialise properly, yes I've got best friends and i love going places with them and being around them in general, but when I'm on my own i feel like I'm the odd one in this world. I'm an independent person aswell, but when i feel like shit, my confidence and independence goes DOWWWWWN.
I have more to rant about, but I'm not up for it and I'm really tired so il do it another time.
I might not be on for a while as I need to just get over myself, but still feel free to comment as i'll probably reply even if I'm not completely active.
(I'm not being an attention-whore, it's just when i rant and talk about something that bothers me I feel a little better about it)
