so my mom smashed my tablet with a hammer (it's gone on the trash now)
and I am loosing my shit. currently praying as hard as I can for god to turn back time to that day (it was right at my anniversary, so I'm loosing my shit even fucking more) I have some hopes since I dreamt about it so it may actually happen. (back then I sort of experience a turn back time when I was young, which saved me a lot so I hope it'll happen hopefully again)
so uh, yea, I lost my 4 years of drawing.

this is sort of a vent so uh
I am more sad that I lost my tablet, not the arts, since I know it'll go sooner since it's old. I'm just sad since it held me close and made me really happy whenever I cried, it was like a friend to me. whenever I felt sad and whenever I had no one, it was there for me to comfort me and make me happy with songs and just existing since it gave me a lot of childhood nostalgia. I just want to hold it with my arms once more, that's all I want. I never really use it for drawing anymore anyways, just to listen to songs and meditate myself, it was my own therapist. and now I lost it, so I am loosing my shit harder than anything else. I do not hope to move on, but rather to go back in time and have it in my arms again, that's all I want. so yea, I'll be nonstop praying from now on.