So here's some positivity
Coming from a person who has made some bad decisions
It's never too late to change for the better.
Yes I made some less smart decisions. I lost a friend because I kicked them for no reason multiple times.
Was it a good choice? No
Did I learn from it? Yes
Will I ever do it again after? No
Will I change from that sole mistake because of the outcome? Yes.

Life is bigger than your mistakes and bad past. Just change, apologise, and move on with yourself.
I have tried to apologize to this friend in multiple ways but I still wasn't forgiven.
Brings me to another topic.
My teacher always said that friends come and go and that you don't need to be friends with the same person for the rest of your life. Its great if you do but its not forced on you.
That friend was a great friend and we made many great memories
But if they don't forgive me after ive tried to apologise then its time to move on.
Thank you.