Can I... talk for a minute?
I’m scared.
About my future.
I know I said I wasn’t scared anymore, but I am again.
The main reason is I’m terrified of telling my family I’m an atheist. They’ll likely hate me forever.
Another reason is finding the right girl. First of all, not a lot of girls take pride in being big and fat, and sadly that’s something I have to have in my women in order to fully be in love with them (that isn’t to say I hate skinny girls, I just don’t like them romantically. I know that’s kinky, but I CANNOT HELP IT). And I don’t understand the “woman language” (what I mean by that is that I don’t get the social cues most of them expect men to understand. For example, say a couple is in a store and the girl says “you don’t have to get me anything” in which case she may expect the guy to get her something anyway). I need to be told exactly what you mean, or what you want, otherwise I don’t know to do it! If she wants babies or wants sexual intimacy or wants me to touch her or something she HAS TO TELL ME IN ORDER FOR ME TO UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!
And having Beatrice in my head has really done a number on my love scope, too. I mean, I’m trying so hard to not narrow standards down to all her features, but it’s so hard!!!!
And i hate being tall. I want to be shorter than the girl. I want to be the shorter and submissive one. I don’t like it when the guy is taller. And yet I’m like 5’10” so the odds aren’t in my favor.
Third reason is, yep you guessed it, struggling with my “men are bad” mindset.
Geez, what’s wrong with me?! I’m so different it’s going to get me in trouble.
About my future.
I know I said I wasn’t scared anymore, but I am again.
The main reason is I’m terrified of telling my family I’m an atheist. They’ll likely hate me forever.
Another reason is finding the right girl. First of all, not a lot of girls take pride in being big and fat, and sadly that’s something I have to have in my women in order to fully be in love with them (that isn’t to say I hate skinny girls, I just don’t like them romantically. I know that’s kinky, but I CANNOT HELP IT). And I don’t understand the “woman language” (what I mean by that is that I don’t get the social cues most of them expect men to understand. For example, say a couple is in a store and the girl says “you don’t have to get me anything” in which case she may expect the guy to get her something anyway). I need to be told exactly what you mean, or what you want, otherwise I don’t know to do it! If she wants babies or wants sexual intimacy or wants me to touch her or something she HAS TO TELL ME IN ORDER FOR ME TO UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!
And having Beatrice in my head has really done a number on my love scope, too. I mean, I’m trying so hard to not narrow standards down to all her features, but it’s so hard!!!!
And i hate being tall. I want to be shorter than the girl. I want to be the shorter and submissive one. I don’t like it when the guy is taller. And yet I’m like 5’10” so the odds aren’t in my favor.
Third reason is, yep you guessed it, struggling with my “men are bad” mindset.
Geez, what’s wrong with me?! I’m so different it’s going to get me in trouble.
