TW//: Mentions of Su!c!d3, mentions of SH, mentions of heavy angst topics, mentions of pain.
Do not read if you are sensitive to heavy angst topics.
Wanting to be someone different, wanting to change like the winds.
I Question what I'm doing wrong as everything slowly encaptures me. The darkness closes in on me from all sides, like a cold blanket.
Then we see *THEM*.
The person, or people, who we can only dream to be. They encapture our waking thoughts.
Slowly, the mirror your looking in breaks. Every crack that forms substituting for every flaw you see in yourself.
Each cut, each crack, all of it symbolizing how you can never look like *them*.
Your alone, no one beside you, no one with you, and everyone's gone. They all left, living their lives while you're stuck behind in fear.
You're scared, aren't you? Of what will happen if you grow up? It's funny. Not everything is black-and-white, you don't want to grow up. You want to hold on to that childishness.
You don't want to fall out of love again, you don't want them to fall out of love with you.
You feel like you're too emotional, and that you're so ready to end it all when that one person you can't live without leaves. Willingly or not. The death feels easier, it eases the pain, you won't remember anything.
I don't want to be here, I feel empty. I was fine before, why am I so emotional? Why am I so attached? Why am I so scared of growing up? Why am I so scared of the unknown? Why am I so scared of being alone? Why can't I look like ####? Why can't I look like those beautiful people, be confident in who I am? I am never satisfied with myself. I don't want to *BE* me. I want to be someone else. I want to be confident, I want to be sure, I want to be comfortable with who I am and how I look. But I also nitpick at myself, choosing to see the beast within empty beauty.
But that won't happen. Why? I don't see a future for myself. I never thought about a future life for myself. I never thought about my life past 15 years old, only 1 more year till I reach that limit. What will happen? I don't wanna know. Everything's gonna go downhill, I can tell.
