Stop being nice to me. Don't compliment me, don't say I'm cool or "good at art" or anything nice. Im starting to get anxious about it and I know people just want to appreciate me or make me happy but now it's making me feel uncomfortable. I don't deserve this shit and I hate it.
I'm really sorry. Just don't waste your time with me.
ẞ r e d
Oh hi you actually clicked on my page-
•°`°•~ W e l c o m e ~•°`°•
My YT: https://youtube.com/channel/UCbCDDm5PDs06-E6kWj_1wtA
Tik tok: @bred_toaster_
Email: enby.w33b@gmail.com
Pronouns: vie/vem/vier/vixself, it/it's usually, but fluctuates
You may call me Bred
Bday: September eighth
Age: 15 so no ew stuffs
Personality type: ENFP-T
•°`°•~ W e l c o m e ~•°`°•
My YT: https://youtube.com/channel/UCbCDDm5PDs06-E6kWj_1wtA
Tik tok: @bred_toaster_
Email: enby.w33b@gmail.com
Pronouns: vie/vem/vier/vixself, it/it's usually, but fluctuates
You may call me Bred
Bday: September eighth
Age: 15 so no ew stuffs
Personality type: ENFP-T
Genre
- Gore
- PastelGore
- Neon
- Alt
Okay another reason I hate myself:
Please don't be too nice to me, I will either be uncomfortable or get attached.
If I am too attached I have a habit of like constantly wanting to be around that person and even "internet stalk" them. I hate it when I do that. I try not to but it happens every now and then-
I'm really sorry if I make anyone uncomfortable or uneasy I really try not to
Took a screenshot of that one panel in the ACOBA comic, edited out the other panels and made it into a background 💅✨✨
I love the comic so much-
I'm bored
Here's some I did
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> 🐻겨울 Ight lol-
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> ẞ make him different colors silly also don't forget to put those sunglasses on him uwuw and the background hmm STAGE LIGHTS
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> 🐻겨울 Change his pallette how-? And is there anything you want in the background?
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> ẞ pls draw winter but change up his pallette and maybe put some sunglasses on him
I need a certain fruit who's name starts with an M and ends with an o
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> ẞ ✨✨scrumptious✨✨
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> ♥ M a y o My favorite fruit 😩💅✨✨
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but like why was the first thing that came to mind was “m a y o” -
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> ẞ ACTUALLY PLS DONT LEAVE MEEEE
https://youtu.be/1kjLwiDoGPU
🥺
👉👈
Hopefully no one sees this since it's like 11pM-
I think I'm just now realizing how shitty my Dad raised my brother and I-
Like I know I've been told he raised up wrong my entire life, but I think I'm just now seeing it...
Bro he would yell at my brother and I for the smallest things, spank up constantly, and would get angry easily. He legit made us hate our Mom even though he kept us from her and all she wanted to do was see us. He's caused so many problems and now he just doesn't see it... He always treated my brother and I different from each other. My brother's a boy, so y'know the "boys don't cry" kind of shit. He tried so hard to make my brother like him- I mean he was the first child, the "man" of the family, front seat, he got everything. Me? No I was the "little fragile pink" girl. "You're acting like your Mom. You look like your Mom. Don't be a bitch." Oh my step mom kicked me out of the house for a few hours twice in the same day? Mom told Dad but did Dad listen? Fuck no why would he ever listen to his ex? Because that's all he sees my mom as.
He was so fucking angry constantly. But he would also act so kind. It confused me and I thought it was normal. He'd run into walls after fights with his girlfriend at the time and when my brother and I saw, he'd just tell us to go to our room. My brother did whatever he wanted to me, and I let it happen. He would choke me, hit me, yell, ect ect. Because it's what we were used to. Hes only one year older than me but he's still so much better than me.
"Your brother gets his things done so why can't you? Your brother can do all of this so quickly and get good grades and his chores done but what have you done?" Well I sat there trying but I can't fucking focus and I'm scared to ask for help because every time I'd always get yelled at for not understanding. Why was everything always happening to me?? Why did my step moms not like me? Why did my step siblings not like me? Why was I never good enough for my dad? Why can't I ever say what I need to when I had therapy? Why can't I remember what happened? Why do I hate myself so fucking much?
Why couldn't I just be happy with what I had?
That's where my mom comes in. I love my mother so much and she's helped me with so much. Ive been living with her for so long and I'm happier with her than I was with my dad.
But she had her own mental problems, and she's good with hiding them and dealing with them like a good parent.
But I trigger her.
"Why do you even cut yourself? What are you stressed about? I give you love and a roof over your head you have nothing to be sad about. You didn't even have it that bad I had it worse. You're doing this for attention. You're not depressed. You are depressed. You're fine. You're not independent anymore you're just like everyone else. I'm just being honest I won't lie to you. You're doing what everyone else is doing."
I love her so much but that hurts so much...
And then I wonder why I hate myself. I wonder why I constantly insult myself. Why when someone asks me if I'm okay I always say I am because I'm terrified that they'll get mad at me, ignore my feelings, or won't even listen.
Because no one did before. But then I got the love and affection I needed but it was already too late. I'm still scared of talking to people even though I live with good people. It's all because I spent my first decade of my life with a man who made me feel insecure...
I'm sorry I exist.
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> .+* Ahh don't apologize for not commenting I usually don't expect people to read these- And I'm not sure why people like me but thanks :> Sorry I keep randomly venting- my brain just randomly decides to not shove the sad awaY- And my mom constantly switches from validating my feelings to saying I'm faking it so I just kinda don't tell her stuff anymore- aHa
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> .+* i dont know why it added the "me" in the first half,guess it was an autocorrect
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first of,dont me apologizing for your existence,im sure the tress supplying your oxygen are happy to do so,second,i know you love your mother lots but she should try and see things through your eyes and not be toxic about your depression which is VERY serious,and third,i want you to know that we ALL love you (right guys) and appreciate your existence so dont do anything stupid or we will all,also be seriously depressed.And fourth,sorry i didnt reply on time school hates my guts lol love you <3
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Hey. No. Just no. You shouldn't apologize for existing. I'm sorry because I don't know how I can help you but, if you need something, i'm here! Please, stay safe.
Can someone give me happy brain chemicals
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> ẞ AAAHH
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> BushBabyOrigins aH-
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> ẞ 1- YEAH you've cheered me up a lot :D 2- actually, no you. 3- YEA YOU DO YOU DO DESERVE IT ALL
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> BushBabyOrigins I didn't know I helped you wHa- But thanks bro you're too nice I- I don't deSeRve that aH- But thanks :")
On my new art tablet. Like legit anything idc-
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> Leieryx I g h t
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draw p o r c u p i n e
Tomorrow is my birthday aHhH
Anyways this is one of my favorite drawings LoL-
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> 🐻ωιηтєяѕкувℓυє🐻👤ᴴᵘᵐᵃⁿвєαя🐻 Oh cool good luck! :D
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happy early birthday- ill e really busy tommorow with school,njhs, and i have to perform a speech
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> ✨♥rosie♥✨ Thamk kxxkgxkgxkgzkg 🥺
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Happy early birthday!!!!
I BETTER ACTUALLY GET THE DAMN BOOK
Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh looks like I got a bit too comfortable with an online friend on yt and yt sent me an email with a s##cide hotline number-
I'm not s###idal I swear I just have a really low self esteem- I'm not leaving yet bro ✋💀
http://secretwhisper.app/bread24
And I'm procrastinating on my online school-
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> ratwithanx *cries on the inside bc I don't allow myself to cry* aye
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> ẞ aye *cries*
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> ratwithanx We shall cry together homie 😩😩
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> ẞ yeah im still crying insiiiiiide
I've never even interacted with them but okay-
Anyways have meme ✨✨
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> ẞ IDK BUT I RESPECT THEIR OPINION 🙇♀️ i dont think i talked to them but i think they followed me lmao
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> ratwithanx KYDKSTKDYKTZ LMAO WHAT- I've never even talked to this person ✋😭
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> ♃ SAME THEY SAID BECAUSE MY TYPING QUIRK ANNOYED THEM
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> ẞ H4H, 1T W4S TH3 S4M3 P3RSON FOR M3 TOO- TH3Y FOLLOW3D M3 TH3N BLOCK3D M3 LM4O-
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Incel
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Okay I'm getting too distracted-
I've kind of just had these two as my wallpapers since like- fOrEvEr-
bc istg my friends art are so cool-
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> .+* 🥺 👉👈
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.+-🥺 you are going to make me blush >///<.+-
I kind of hate nostalgia but also love it?
Like it's cool to be like: "Oh yeah I remember that aha"
But then I get extremely uncomfortable or anxious... Idk is it just me loll
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> ẞ aYE :’)
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> Leieryx AYYYE :"")
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NO DEFINITELY NOT HOMIE only a few things avoid the like wishy washy feeling <:/ it wack
I haven't had a single person in my life that almost always bring me to the verge of tears and depressing thoughts every single time I think of them, talk to them, or see them.
Guess someone changed that...
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Bro, sorry. We are here ok?
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bby nooooo :(
If so, gimme some ideas. Keep in mind that if you give me an idea, you may or may not get that adopt. Usually mine are dta's so it depends on who draws the adopt first.
Is no one gonna say what happened to Eridan or-
Like does he have an alt account?
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.+-omg i have not been here in a while anyways yeah im worried too :,(.+-
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not sure what happened to them but yes they have an alt account : https://medibang.com/author/14198774/
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Okay but seriously I might freak out if I can't find out what happened to him-
I changed the theme on my Chromebook and it's kind of blinding if you have full brightness on.
Also I'm really sorry for everyone in school rn--
Why does orange juice taste like sh-t after eating cereal that ruined my morning--
I thought online school was going to be easier than the last time I did it. My mom even said so. And it was. Until I found out that we had to take notes. Which does sound bad. But they're actually just more work.
It literally doubles the normal amount of work for each class, everyday. Everyday is a new lesson to learn.
And I hate it :)
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.+-i-...i hate notes😨.+-
Don't start arguments over the internet when you don't have all the facts 🤡
(The comment I made had literally nothing to do with my pfp so idek why they brought it up but okay I guess-)
If you know what this is I love you-
The colors are probably really off bc I'm looking at a ref from my Chromebook while drawing on a phone-
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> .+* :O Mwah 😘
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> ẞ .+😘*mwah*.+-
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> RiiRen Yes
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> .+* Gimme a kiss right now I love you
Please.
Please don't eat ramen then eat ice after each bite.
It h u r t s .
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> .+* I suffer to help others ú-ù
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.+-weird warning,but thanks for the heads up!.+-
As you can see it's five am on the top right corner.
Anyways I'll finish this dta later I swear, it's just a b i t late so-
I hate how the face looks but I'll fix it later when it's not five am-
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> ẞ .+-good >:).+-
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> 𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘨 AH UH THANK?
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WOAH THERE OK OK THAT LOOKS AMAZING WH
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> .+* I slept in aCk- fortunately my mom didn't wake me up tho
I'm hella b o r e d and I have a story no one's gonna read but I'm putting it here anyways 😎
https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1qfP9bATX03RzJUPlj3cCQv5U_UjQNAcDxKzHeHDdbcU/edit?usp=drivesdk
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> ❄Ash❄ IXTITXIDTTID IKR-
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The fucking popcorn bag looks so much like the ground I thought there was something wrong with her legs at first 😳 I can't blame that on me being blind or smt but the popcorn looks like the grass
I hate this I hate myself so fucking much it's not even a joke I just hate myself
It doesn't matter what I do I help people and they thank me and then I'm over here feeling so shitty and I'm scared as fuck to even tell anyone because I'm afraid no one will listen
I'm afraid my mom will take away my phone or pay a therapist wasting money because I never know what to say when I do see a therapist
I help people everywhere I go and when I need help no one's there
Its happened so much to the point where if I show any negative emotion I am terrified no one will take me seriously or they'll ignore me or brush it off
I fucking trust people on the internet more than my own mom who tells me I can trust her and she's helped me so much but I still
I still hate myself
I still hate every word that comes from my mouth. Every action I do. Every step I take from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep.
I don't want to kms I wish I was never brought into this world in the first place. I fucking hate myself so much I don't know what to do.
I don't even allow myself to cry because it's a sign of weakness, that I let shit get to me, that I know I should be better than this
And everyone deserves so much more, so much better than me.
Because all I'm here for is to be stepped on.
That's all I am. Use me. Tell me I'm nothing. Tell me that I won't be anything until I meet your standards. Please all I want is for you to be happy
I don't care about myself and I don't need to all of the hate I have is towards myself so you'll never see me hating you.
Im a good kid I swear I'm sorry if you don't trust me I keep fucking it up I'm sorry I really am.
You have no idea how sorry I am for being here. Just existing. You have no idea. I've prevented so many suicides and I've helped people move forward, I was that shoulder to cry on when you had your best friend died and even though I didn't know your friend, I was still there for you.
I was there. I was helpful right? I helped right? I made them motivated when they couldn't get out of bed in the morning. I'm a good kid right? I won't ask for anything in return because I tried years ago and got nothing.
I'm a good friend right? Please tell me what I need to do to make you better please I will throw everything away for you, for anyone. I don't need it. I don't. And you know I'm happy.
I don't care what you tell me to motivate me. I don't care if you say my life is worth it. I don't care because I was the one who told those exact words to so many people. It's useless to me. You can tell me anything to try and make me feel better. But nothing will work. Because I was in your shoes telling all those people the same thing.
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> ẞ :( oh...then i can just talk to you here i guess whatever makes you feel better
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> .+* *me whos mom found out about discord and told me to uninstall it immediately* Also I freaked out and did this and I'm really sorry I do this every once in a while but mostly I can keep it to myself so aCk-
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But there is only so little i can do im so sorry.
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let yourself cry.its so much fucking better,you wont regret it.It's not healthy having this much bottled up unhealthy feelings it will get to your head so much to the point you think your not suicidal but you are.Cry until your head aches,cry until you cant feel the tears rolling down your cheeks anymore.just.cry.please.
i get you guys are probably just trying to be nice but if its making them uncomfortable please respect their wishes and refrain from saying the things they described
> ẞ Stop saying this about yourself You arent a waste, and you do deserve it
> ẞ Mmeh Idfc you're my friend so I'm gonna be nice UnU
> ❄αѕн❄ m E h