Word
good morning
lil vent, just about my looks a g a i n cuz i have a sudden urge
rrrrr i've been tryyinngg but i still look faatttt =]]
maybe i'll look fat no matter what i try
i've eaten breakfast now but i feel like i regret it, i should've fasted again today
and like i would've thought i was fairly fit and capable of physical challenge, but i really don't look like it-- i look sooo soft and chubby but it feels like it just doesn't add up =[ i feel like if anyone else ate what i ate and did what i did they would look so athletic
when i first starting fasting and exercising during it, it didn't feel bad, but now it's starting to feel genuinely tiring and upsetting-- so i decided not to fast today but now i regret it =/ it won't help me lose the fat on my body
i just want to look thin and fit and lean, why is it so hard
i knoowwww i just can't climb out of this hole of self hate for some reason-- i've started trying to find the solution for getting out of it tho, but idk =[ because i think i've found a major problem; i feel that i don't DESERVE self love and optimism for who i am, and that's stopping me a lot from being in a better mental state-- now i need to find out why that is
btw those handstand pushups with a spot were shallowwwww =]
i definitely don't feel pretty though-- and i also feel like everyone else that does the same sport as me are just... better at everything, nothing new
but i feel like i'd be happier if liked the way i looked more... and that i could actually watch a recording of myself without crying for 2 weeks after lol
but tysm <333
thank you so much... like you said tho, it's really hard to get out of fully-- it's just cuz i literally CANNOT look at a video or picture of my body without then worrying and probably crying for a week or two just from watching one video once of me (been like that for years) =/ that's how this whole fasting while exercising thing started, i watched one video of me performing in my sport, then went like "i'm over this" and now i'm here
but anyways, you're absolutely right about how health comes first, thin doesn't automatically mean healthy, and overall health is more important than looks-- and i think i am eating healthily, that's why i don't understand my looks lol, but it's probably my stuuuuupid genetics like u g h
i've started a mental health journal just trying to analyze why i think the way i do, but otherwise idk how i'm gonna stop hating my body =[ tysm for your help and advice tho, it means a lot to me <33333