hey uhh an update since its been awhile since ive visited this place

im doing pretty well. im back on discord. some people know this. trying to sneak around is kind of hard, laying low is even harder but ive promised myself to come on the internet every 2 days so its evened out.
im trying to draw more and more, and ill post on here once i get the chance.

just letting u guys know im good. love u

also for the discord people idk when ill be able to get on discord again since my mom's phone refuses to download discord cuz no money, but hopefully ill be able to get on tomorrow since thats when pay day happens

ALSO IF YOU SEE THIS HAPPY BIRTHDAY PINE JFJSHDDSJ
to honour you ash and me made our pfps deformed harry potter and snape. we didnt even know it was your bday till ren told us so it was completely coincidental lmao
pls make a discord account. we want to talk to you aa

anyways. hope everything's good with you medi peeps. sad that you cant come on discord, we have an rp server up and its super fun
thanks for being here and keeping things alive (?) while im not able to <3

so, i've been gone for 3 weeks or more, apparently. it actually doesn't feel like that long at all since well, time is passing way too quickly. my birthday is a month from now. i'm going to be the legal age to get a drivers license this year. shit's crazy, man

but anyways, i did get caught again. i can never find my sister's phone, so my mom is probably being more careful than ever. i'm typing this on my grandmother's phone (yes, she has one) because my sister's tablet didn't work either.
i'm trying to work back my mom's trust again, so i'm trying to lay low again. i really want to be here and talk to you guys, but it's going to be more difficult than ever. i can't get addicted again because i can't afford to get caught a third time. the third time is definitely not a charm in this situation

laying low is difficult. more than ever now i feel like i cant go back to discord, but i need to. i need to know everything's alright with the people i haven't spoken to in almost two months. i can't repeat the 6-7 months i spent away from the internet. i don't talk to anyone else, mostly because of covid and my mom knows about me and my s/o. i know i'm lucky compared to other people, but i don't feel lucky at all knowing full well that my friends from the public school i used to go to can do four times the shit i'm allowed to do, even without covid.

i promised myself not to ramble but goddamn i can't take it anymore. i've tried writing down my feelings, but every time i have it all planned out, i have an internal mental breakdown. i can't even explain it, really. i don't even know the cause of it.

not going to make this as personal as the topic i posted after the first time i got caught on my sister's phone, so let's move on.

i guess i'll just try to keep laying low. i have to actually force myself because sometimes it's a habit to stay up during the hours my family isn't awake to sneak on here, but so far it's working. i'll try to come back every so once in awhile to check on things. it's hard to know the world on here (and the world in general) moves on without me, but it's not like me not being on here again for another 3 weeks will change anything.

i'm just glad i still have one way to contact my friends. i'm tempted to give you guys my phone number and let you guys text me, but i know it's too much of a risk to take, especially if i get caught. for the first week since i've been gone i kept getting into trouble and i don't want that to repeat with extra risks. nothing to hide is on my phone and i want to keep it that way. that way she won't suspect me.

i also have an xbox username i guess i can give, but i don't play it too often. i know my mom will also check that if she suspects something's up, so i'll probably have to keep removing people or something.

i don't know, it's hopeless, really. all i've come up with is those two and with that playing terraria since there's the ability to chat, but nobody has it besides like one or two of my friends that i rarely talk to. shit's tiring.



anyways, i guess i'm just going to put casual stuff in here too. did it in my last update, so why not?
completed the hunger games book series, finally. it's honestly extremely good, way better than the movies at most parts. please read it if you ever have the chance hdjfhdjsjd it's my favorite
i'm still kind of into GTA V but since i haven't had as much interaction with the fandom, i'm losing interest. probably just another short, passing phase.
nobody except some people will rlly understand this part but i'm getting more into writing about my ocs. i'm starting to kind of give up on the backstory thingy i wrote for kylov that i had a server for on discord. i had a plan for something else including him that i think will be way better. he was just a carbon copy of countryhumans israel anyway lets just face it
i want to roleplay so bad aha but i know it'll probably be months before i can feel casual enough to do it without the risk of getting caught again that i force myself to refuse

uhh, i don't really know how to end this off since it went from extremely dramatic to my casual discord slang speak, but thanks for reading. i really appreciate that you saw this and decided to spend your time reading my weird rambles and stuff. i keep thinking to myself that it's important that i just give a short update, but tbh it wouldn't sound like kivun without dramatic

also, i don't know if you'll ever see this, DP, but since it's march the 17th for me, happy birthday! i have no clue how i remembered that, but i keep track of people who have the same number of birth (17) or something close to that as me. also, i think you said it was on st. patrick's day? i looked the date of it up and it hit me right away lmao

also an early happy birthday to horrid (april 26th i think?) and kuri (somewhere in may), just in case i won't be here for awhile. i rly want to make gifts for you guys. i'll try to do something with my copics and post them the next time i sneak on

- Prez/Kivun <3

xbox user - Nyctoshade
twitter - @literallyprez (if you have one dont hesitate to friend and dm me)

so uh, i'm not going to let this turn into a vent. just gonna ramble here i guess

i'm already stressed from laying low. or trying, atleast. i sleep during the hours i should be awake now, and i'm surprised that my mom doesn't seem to care. i don't want to jinx it, though, so i'll be grateful while it lasts.

a week left until the first semester for my homeschool is finished. a week left for me to finish over 20 tests. math is easy since i can just look it up. english is hard but i'm getting there. i have to read world history and biology/science to actually understand it. i hate reading. not the subject, just reading in general.

ah well, 7 days it is.

still waiting for my birthday, too. last time i checked it was over 100 days but that was the start of january, maybe??
i think i only have 1 month left since february is over. 54 days left now, 47 left after.
i hope that i can atleast still be on here by the time my birthday passes. not to get shit or anything, tbh. i'd just be surprised if i can last more than a month or two.

https://r7.whiteboardfox.com/7512270-5955-8493

weird timing, i know
i should be asleep but fuck it

hey so uuh
i wanted to make an actual post for a chat since it's easier to check (i'll most likely post over this with more topics) but i'm going to have this stay up for now instead

consider it like one of the old medi chats. just mess around, do whatever. say literally anything as long as it's sfw (sadly) and not offensive/rude or anything

maybe it's just me being nostalgic of the old days with the old chats (from when i used the app as opposed to using the web) that made me post this but eeh fuck it.

rping too here is allowed, but nobody really rps on medi anymore so i guess just consider it a chat haha

this took over three hours

sorry for the bad quality btw. had to screenshot since it wouldnt let me post it cuz of the pixel size thing. Fuck that

TW for brief mentions of suicidal thoughts and self-harm, mental illness, religion, addiction, underage drinking, covid (idk if thats a serious trigger for some people but yeah it's kind of mentioned in this) etc etc just dark topics in general when i start ranting.
if any of these topics genuinely upset you, i'd advise to stop reading when i begin to rant (the paragraph that starts with "trying to stay on the bright side is hard") and move onto the paragraph that starts with "for the medibang people"

so, i thought by now that it's been like a month since i've last been on discord - or atleast on here haha. i don't really know, though, it's hard to keep track of time after /it/ happened, again

i'm not sure if people besides those that mainly (but rarely) talk to me on medi will see this, but if people from discord by chance /do/ see this... i'm sorry.

i'll try to explain the best i can of what has happened recently without giving out too much personal info, since i'm pretty bad at hiding stuff like that when i /really/ want to tell someone about it, and i can't.

anyways, bare with me, because this is going to be long.

for those that don't know, my family is pretty... strange. backwards schedule of sleeping, weird rules and all that. my mom and my other guardians are pretty lenient when it comes to making rules, so we don't have many that normal jewish/christian households have (besides the religious ones, ofc) but the few rules that my family /does/ enforce are to be followed. without question

one of those rules has become against interacting with strangers. of course, social media is allowed if we're responsible enough, (surprisingly the wifi here in my country doesn't actually suck half the time where i'm at??) but if you know me, i suck at keeping responsibility, despite mostly being the oldest out of my online friends (with a few exceptions like kurt, alina, emma, etc being some years older but thats beside the point)

so, in summary, i haven't had a good past with the internet and my usage of it... so i'm not really the most trustable person when it comes to using it. and my mom, /definitely/ knows that by now considering i've used it for almost 7-8 years, always coming up with new ways to surprise her by using my intellectual (/hj) abilities to find ways to get onto it. no matter what the fuck she does to restrict me from it

by now, you probably guessed the reason i haven't been online too often. yeah, yeah. i was caught. again. because i didn't cover my tracks good enough and i was caught unprepared. again.

but, that wasn't the reason i thought i was going to be gone for a looooong time, again.

if you didn't know, i actually am dating someone in real life. surprisingly, i've gotten out of my habit of being an e-dater, which is more of a blessing than it is a curse, because now i get real women instead of virtual. fuck yeah!!!!!

my family also has another rule against that, though. because of religious views, i can't date anyone until i'm 18 or something, which is like... fuck it, man. i'm more of a friend than a partner or whatever to my current s/o, but i still love her man c'mon

but anyways, because of this, my gf (who we'll call A since that's what her name starts with) and me have to be a couple steps ahead of both of our families, who are both pretty insanely religious and live by the 18+ dating rule. it's hard sometimes, but we've managed so far, and i'm proud of that.

though, all good things come to an end eventually.

on the first week that i temporarily left discord, and the internet as a whole, my mom got a phonecall from A's older sister and she told me that she had covid which, fuck, man. it wasn't super severe, but it did worry the shit-ton out of me because she's both my best irl friend and my s/o

i haven't actually seen her in weeks by now, though i do get texts occasionally from A's family telling me that she's doing well so far. i'm afraid that's subject to change, but i'm trying to be optimistic, and trying to be there for her family mostly but i can't do much. wish i could, cuz i know if that was my daughter/sister/other i would definitely be scared shitless for her life

trying to stay on the bright side side is hard, and i've let things slip to my mom because i've been trying to talk more and more to her, trying to lay low on discord, too. i've let it slip that i have a girlfriend, that i'm still talking to people on the internet, because my mom has told me so many times that i can come to her for anything. i've been trying to make sure she can stay true to that, until i told her about the rules being broken for the 100th time in only a few years. i regret it, of course, but, damn. i can't really do /shit/ anymore.

i gave her back my sister's phone. i hid as much stuff as i could, though i kept the discord app on there since i told her already. she was already pissed that i had hid my sister's phone from my family when i knew they were looking desperately for it. she'd get even more pissed that i hid stuff, even asking if i thought she was stupid because i was being an idiot and not covering my tracks well enough. so much for an "intellectual."

all i'm thankful for is that she didn't look at the messages at all, though the part that made me feel somewhat guilty was when she said that it was too painful to read the messages, because she knows. she knows that i'm not hesitant to give out personal info like my country or real name. maybe she even thinks i'll fucking dox myself /and/ her and the whole rest of Kivun's Fucking Family. i'm not /that/ much of an idiot, thankfully.

after all of this shit, i'm just indifferent, though. this has happened over and over, and it's become like a routine for me to get in trouble and get my shit taken away, only for my actual shit to be given back only days later because she feels bad that i'm trying to do anything i can to find something else to do. i never go outside anymore. i never really do anything except occasionally sneak on here again because my sister is gullible enough to leave her phone out instead of hiding it like my mom instructed. she's only 7, almost 8, and i'm already taken advantage of her.

as far as i'm concerned, my mom is too sympathetic. she can be a real asshole sometimes, but compared to me, she's a literal angel. i don't really know what was wrong when she had me. i grew up to be this fucked up prick who got into rehab at the young age of 15 because i enjoyed arab alcohol a little /too/ much than i should have.

at this point, i'm just hoping that i'll mature. even a little bit. become more trustworthy, more responsible, so i don't have to lie every single day. time is running out for the first semester of my homework to be handed in. the deadline is march, and yet i'm too lazy to do shit because all i do is sneak on, watch edits, read fanfiction, play xbox, etc etc.

at first, i was glad, to be honest. that discord was finally gone. i was finally knocked out of that goddamn cycle of narcissism and just pain. fucking /pain/, and i didn't even realize it until it got taken away from me, and i was barely punished. /barely/!

i guess god has been punishing me. maybe because i've been questioning my religion like every other teenage boy. i wanted to grow up with my religion because i didn't mind it at first, but fuck. all i can think about is "if jesus, god, the lord, or whoever the fuck cares, wouldn't i have been saved at this point? wouldn't we all?" recently. every single time i think about finally ending it all. and i still can't get it. i was diagnosed with something i wanted at a young age because i thought it was "cool," but now i can see that depression is /not/ a fucking accessory to wear proudly like a diamond necklace or makeup or whatever. it's just a burden.




wow.

i'm really sorry that this got /this/ dark. i didn't mean to rant as much as i did, but... damn. i just needed to get some shit out that i've been holding in for awhile. this was just supposed to be something professional, but i guess i've crossed the line at this point lol

for the medibang people reading this, even if we aren't friends or associate in the slightest, i'm really glad that you're still here. i know medibang has died, fuck, /i've/ died. most of my friends have, too, but i'm trying. for now i'm going to try and be on here until if i can see if i have the balls to go back on discord again, but just know that i'm appreciative of every single fucking post i see on my timeline feed. i may not comment, or heart it, or whatever else, but it just puts a smile on my face when i see it

for the discord people, i've dmed kurt and tex in a gc a few times about this. i'm not sure if either of them have told you what i told them to say if any of you guys asked, or if they're too shy or something to say anything, but all i know is that i'm really the only reason they're back on discord at all. so, if they haven't said anything, it's probably because they haven't had time. they have lives, and i guess things got too busy, which is fine.

this is really the only site where i can explain to people i actually trust instead of on twitter where people i know i cant trust with the shit i tell my medi friends reside and, well, fuck it. lol

i hope this sort of helped you understand what's been keeping me back from being on discord or medi and wherever else. if you want to talk about anything, just comment on this post and i'll try to respond. i'm not sure when i'll actually get the courage to go back on discord because of the pessimistic part of my mind asking me "fuck. you've missed out, huh? too much has changed. there's really no going back" every. single. fucking. time. i think about discord and all that

to lighten things up a bit uhh, i'm trying to get into new stuff. i think my tf2 and danganronpa phases have passed for the time being and i'm really into gta IV/gta V after playing them each a couple times?? idk
my marvel/mcu phase is back (waiting for the new venom movie in june because they postponed it when it was supposed to come out in october of last year :cry: fuck covid)
also, i'm kind of trying my best to understand dream smp without becoming a braindead stan so yeahh. not really super into it yet, though

and last of all, i renamed my ao3 account because it used to have my deadname aha (still trying to find a new pfp because the kylov one is funny but pretty old) so it's now PREZIDENT because everything good was taken

thanks for reading if you got this far. really makes my day to see that you put in your time to read whatever i ramble about

<3

- Prez/Kivun

do you ever just wait for comments to spill in on your posts after you post, feeling as if maybe you'll get more than the ordinary amount because you put so much effort into the art this time?
maybe you're complaining, not being grateful, but it seems that you had less friends than you thought. not every one of them sees the post of course, but it'd be nice to know, y'know? that people actually appreciate you and the time and effort you put into one single piece?


yeah. me too.

i really need a new instagram user lmao
uhh any suggestions??
idk
its currently @captain.prezident and its ok i guess but i dont like it much
all i ask is that it includes president/prez since thats my name
but even anything else better than that is fine and all

hey guys-
i've thought about it for awhile now and i believe the time has come.
i'm leaving medibang.
thanks so much for the support in the past, even on my account before i got frozen. i made alot of good friends and memories, and i'm grateful for that :)
i think i'll keep my account up, and i might even chat with you guys or look at your fun artworks, but i won't be posting on here any longer.
my discord, twitter, and ao3 accounts (i also have an email, kyhateslife@gmail.com) are in the description, and i'm pretty active on those, so if you need to contact me for anything, please do so there, as i'm sure i won't respond on medibang as quickly.
thank you again ^^
- your comrade, ky ❤️

taking a break from medi for abit. am very active on discord so contact me there pls
my tag:
smooth criminal#2659

hello, so, uh, i'm back from my break. if you wanna know why i took it basicaly my fam had to go into the city cos my brother had to get surgery (and might have to again this week) and yeah

anyways, i'm just gonna let you know whar i've been working on (and what i soon will be working on)

currently working on:
- Country of the Day (gettin caught up n stuff, as well as trying to continue it)
- M a n y r e q u e s t s. i'm so sorry i haven't even touched up on any of them like :( i promise i'll make it worth your wair. sorry again!
- Among Us OC Ask Box. def working on these rn and trying to make it as epic as possible ^^
- Countryhumans Oneshots. yeah, i posted smthn on ao3 about it but i'm probably going to delete those because they are cringe. we're gonna try this again :)

on hold:
- Ask Israel. man it's been months since i posted that and got quite the lot of questions about my country. i promise you i will answer them eventually lmao
- Countryhumans Multi-chap fanfictions. this is quite a bunch of fics, including the two i'm definitely working on: What's Your Problem? (an america x reader fic requested by one of my friends hehe) and The Strange and Occurring (some stupid fic about a weird au my friends and me came up with)
- Before I Break. a fic about my persona (kylov) and his backstory, along with the explaining the world he lives in. i think this'll be a pretty cool fic but all i have finished so far is the prologue and abit of the first chapter yeah

ideas:
- OC Multi-chap fanfictions. Just some fics I think I'll put out about my ocs since,, yeah,, i have quite alot of ideas about their backstories that i think you guys'll find interesting!!
- Multi-fandom Oneshots. another ao3 thingy im gonna post on there, which includes the fandoms of ch, pb/cb (cos im terrible aha), tf2, ut, ocs, hp, dr, sp, mcu and alot more since i uh get into fandoms so easily heheh

so thats just some things that're in the works/will probably be in the works because sleep is for the weak yes
hope you enjoyed reading. thanks so much for following eventhoughihatebeingfollowedonherebecauseitgetsmeclosertobeingfrozenandidontwantthattohappenagainnothanksmedi! ^^

im trying to make animatics out of rucka rucka ali songs because im cursed
i have a specific few i want to do, but which one would you like to see me do in particular?

if you're a follower or a friend and you like to make fun of old terrible art you better view this thread comrade:
https://mobile.twitter.com/iworshipovens/status/1318313976518725632

if this post gets 5 likes i will stab my baby brother

god i love twitter

hi im here to talk about the fact that people ship mexico and russia
i think they have good relations or something but lets be honest
everyone who ships rusmex is just someone from mexico who has a russian fetish or is just obsessed with russia countryhumans
thanks for coming to my ted talk
:) ~

click to see cursed ch content
https://r2.whiteboardfox.com/2122720-5824-8364

feel free to add more :-)

finally
after 2 years of being in the fandom and hardcore shipping this
i finally find isrpol
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/791296597021168673/

why do people ship chile x germany
sure, they have good relations (i think), but chile supports germany's past which should piss him off
like chile literally copied prussia's army and although i'm pretty sure prussia wasn't THAT bad of a country, germany still doesn't support and kinda hates it... him?? i forgot if this is ch or not im literally just asking after i read a fanfic lmao

just a little update-
due to the fact that i take up too much of my time by completely checking medi and twitter (i sneak on, and i only have a few hours so-), i won't be active on disc, wattpad, roblox or hangouts for a long time. or, just until i stop being a little bitch and man up

ps: here's some art i did during my inactivity-
view at your own risk,,
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-IAMDwvHpJFu_lOT-8xZU4ITGy2-S8uaFkE03xOJPdQ/edit