I really wish my family could treat me like an adult. For about a month or two after my birthday earlier this year, EVERYONE was always reminding me that I'm an adult now and I was always thinking "Don't. Fucking. Remind me." Now those same people treat me like I'm a literal fetus. Whenever I try to talk, they immediately cut me off, they never let me finish, they make assumptions about me when I'm RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM, they never take me seriously, it's driving me crazy! And with my mom, I'm trying my best to be patient with her but a few months ago, I told her there ate times where I want to be treated like a kid and times where I want to be treated like an adult. She told me to make up my mind so I said "If that's the case, I'd rather be treated like an adult" and yet, she STILL talks to me and treats me like I'm a baby. If she wants to treat me like a baby so bad, why couldn't she have done it when I used to age regress? She just HAD to wait until I GAVE UP on it to treat me like this. Reeeeeal good timing, Mom. (Please note that that last sentence was sarcasm) What pisses me off even more is that she knows other adults who are younger than her but she doesn't treat THEM like babies so why am I treated differently?! I told her I wanted to be treated like an ADULT! She made me make a choice, I made it and I feel like she doesn't respect it. It's not really the case but it feels that way. She doesn't expect this of me but I've given up on so many things to try to prove to her (and the rest of my family but mainly her) that I can be mature. I stopped age regressing when I was 17 (My stress levels have been really high since then but it's worth it), I gave up on my current comfort anime since its target audience was kids ages 6 through 12, I stopped watching MLP (Although I still like it), I stopped playing Disney Universe months ago since that was a kids' game, I stopped wearing hair bows and unicorn headbands out in public, I gave up on a lot of things to try to get my point across and for some reason, Mom STILL isn't getting the message. I'm trying to find more adult interests to see if she'll finally treat me like every other adult she knows. I am mature when I need to be and even then, she still treats me like a baby. At this point, I just wish backwards time travel were possible so I could be a little kid again. I just miss having the freedom to truly be yourself without always having to worry about your own family bullying you for it. Another important note: MOST of the people in my family aren't toxic/abusive, some do have toxic behaviors, though. But I still wish they respected me enough to treat me like the thing they always remind me that I am, which is an A D U L T. I'm really not looking forward to being 19 next year because I feel like things will just get worse from there and I'll have to put myself through even more Hell just to prove my point to everyone.

Recently, because of how the voice in my head keeps telling me that I'm a bad person, I've been giving up on my interests and coping mechanisms just to prove to myself and others that I'm not. Or, at least, I try not to be. It's been driving me crazy. My stress levels have been through the fucking roof and I don't know how to deal with it anymore. I try not to talk about this anymore since it's in the past but I gave up on my age regression because I couldn't handle the bullying I dealt with because of it as well as there being too many bad things being said about it in general. Things like "You're just ignoring your problems", "Stop acting like this and grow up", "Get help", "This isn't healthy" and other things that slowly pushed me away from it. I wish 17-year-old me never even started doing that in the first place. Then I wouldn't be feeling like I did something wrong, even though everyone keeps telling me that I didn't. I also gave up on my old comfort anime because of the fandom being problematic as fuck and while I regret being in said fandom, I also kinda miss it. I also still miss my old comfort characters. I hate how I'm like this but I keep crying whenever I think about them. I just still really miss them, even though I feel like I shouldn't. And I'm getting EXTREMELY close to giving up on my current comfort anime for two reasons. 1: There are/were so many fucking creeps in the fandom, just like the other one and 2: I_m ashamed of how I'm 18 and I'm a fan of an anime made for kids. I'm literally a fucking adult now! Why can't I just be a normal one for once?! I really don't want to give up on my current comfort anime/comfort characters but I'm getting really close to that point and it's honestly pissing me off. This is the only way I know how to deal with being made fun of for something and I just don't know how to break the cycle. I'm just so fed up with all of this. Every time I gain interest in something or find a new coping mechanism that I think might help me, something almost immediately ends up completely fucking ruining it for me. All I want is to just be in at least ONE fandom and/or keep ONE coping mechanism without a bunch of fucking creepos and other toxic shitheads ruining it for me! IS THAT REALLY TOO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK?! IS IT?! I REALLY can't keep giving up on things that I like/help me to de-stress but I'm just desperate to show that I'm (hopefully) not as bad of a person as everyone thinks I am so I'm willing to give up on all my interests if that's what I need to do to prove that point. Because I've given up on a lot of my healthier coping mechanisms, I've gone back to pulling my hair out and now I have this big bald spot on my head and it makes me feel ugly. Trichotillomania can kiss my ass. I fucking hate it! I've been dealing with it for about 10 or 11 years and it's been Hell! And I've been getting this urge to cry myself to sleep every night but instead of doing that, I just listen to hyperpop music for hours on end. Between all of this bullshit, the fact that I still haven't fully gotten over the death of my grandma, my godmother and my cat and this voice in my head being a fucking asshole, I've ended up feeling like shit like I did during the first four months of 2021. I just can't keep doing this anymore. I just can't. I've given up on so much already and it still leaves me feeling down most of the time. I don't want to have to give up on my other interests but like I said, it's all I know how to do when I start feeling like this. I've been like this for years so to an extent, I'm used to it.

Recently, because of how the voice in my head keeps telling me that I'm a bad person, I've been giving up on my interests and coping mechanisms just to prove to myself and others that I'm not. Or, at least, I try not to be. It's been driving me crazy. My stress levels have been through the fucking roof and I don't know how to deal with it anymore. I try not to talk about this anymore since it's in the past but I gave up on my age regression because I couldn't handle the bullying I dealt with because of it as well as there being too many bad things being said about it in general. Things like "You're just ignoring your problems", "Stop acting like this and grow up", "Get help", "This isn't healthy" and other things that slowly pushed me away from it. I wish 17-year-old me never even started doing that in the first place. Then I wouldn't be feeling like I did something wrong, even though everyone keeps telling me that I didn't. I also gave up on my old comfort anime because of the fandom being problematic as fuck and while I regret being in said fandom, I also kinda miss it. I also still miss my old comfort characters. I hate how I'm like this but I keep crying whenever I think about them. I just still really miss them, even though I feel like I shouldn't. And I'm getting EXTREMELY close to giving up on my current comfort anime for two reasons. 1: There are/were so many fucking creeps in the fandom, just like the other one and 2: I_m ashamed of how I'm 18 and I'm a fan of an anime made for kids. I'm literally a fucking adult now! Why can't I just be a normal one for once?! I really don't want to give up on my current comfort anime/comfort characters but I'm getting really close to that point and it's honestly pissing me off. This is the only way I know how to deal with being made fun of for something and I just don't know how to break the cycle. I'm just so fed up with all of this. Every time I gain interest in something or find a new coping mechanism that I think might help me, something almost immediately ends up completely fucking ruining it for me. All I want is to just be in at least ONE fandom and/or keep ONE coping mechanism without a bunch of fucking creepos and other toxic shitheads ruining it for me! IS THAT REALLY TOO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK?! IS IT?! I REALLY can't keep giving up on things that I like/help me to de-stress but I'm just desperate to show that I'm (hopefully) not as bad of a person as everyone thinks I am so I'm willing to give up on all my interests if that's what I need to do to prove that point. Because I've given up on a lot of my healthier coping mechanisms, I've gone back to pulling my hair out and now I have this big bald spot on my head and it makes me feel ugly. Trichotillomania can kiss my ass. I fucking hate it! I've been dealing with it for about 10 or 11 years and it's been Hell! And I've been getting this urge to cry myself to sleep every night but instead of doing that, I just listen to hyperpop music for hours on end. Between all of this bullshit, the fact that I still haven't fully gotten over the death of my grandma, my godmother and my cat and this voice in my head being a fucking asshole, I've ended up feeling like shit like I did during the first four months of 2021. I just can't keep doing this anymore. I just can't. I've given up on so much already and it still leaves me feeling down most of the time. I don't want to have to give up on my other interests but like I said, it's all I know how to do when I start feeling like this. I've been like this for years so to an extent, I'm used to it.