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Gharv left a comment!

AIGHT AIGHT LISTEN

I THINK I CAN STILL DRAW !!!
Today I managed to color an entire drawing, and it took me less than 1 hour and half
I think I have an idea now of how many chances I have and how much time I have in each one--
So
During the morning I might have 15-30 minutes before class starts, then after lunch time I have about an hour before I go out the whole afternoon and evening--
I get back in the campus at 10 pm-ish so I have 1-2 hours before I go to sleep
Alright :D
Still, I'll have to draw on my phone only :( so don't expect good art from me anymore lmao

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Gharv liked!

AIGHT AIGHT LISTEN

I THINK I CAN STILL DRAW !!!
Today I managed to color an entire drawing, and it took me less than 1 hour and half
I think I have an idea now of how many chances I have and how much time I have in each one--
So
During the morning I might have 15-30 minutes before class starts, then after lunch time I have about an hour before I go out the whole afternoon and evening--
I get back in the campus at 10 pm-ish so I have 1-2 hours before I go to sleep
Alright :D
Still, I'll have to draw on my phone only :( so don't expect good art from me anymore lmao

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Gharv left a comment!

Gharv liked!

Aw man

A dude in the campus where I'll be sleeping/taking classes made this "Orientation" thingy (it was basically a presentation where he talks about our routines,, classes, excursions, rules ect)
And I estimated that I'll have about 1-2 hours free per day (except for the weekends when I'll have only an hour or even less)
But I'll most likely hang out with the people in my campus,, so,,,
Consider me half dead for the next 2 weeks ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯
It's kinda sad tho,, I have like 3 drawings to work on for Artfight, and I have the sketch almost done :[
Anyways gotta go now cuz I have to organize my clothes and stuff-- I just arrived but my room's a mess already xd

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Gharv left a comment!

Gharv left a comment!

Feelings alongside annoying thoughts.

This is a vent. Feel free to skip but please don't just like the topic if you're not going to say anything.
TW: Suicide. (I guess.)





The reason why I thrive to be busy is one I don't like to bring up. I don't know why I feel this way, but I do. It's confusing and I feel like my reason is stupid.
Bottom line, if I have nothing do accomplish or nothing to look forward to, I start to feel suicidal and go back to having some disrealization issues.
I always have to constantly bum-bard myself with projects and just in general, things to do.

When I'm not doing anything, for example, sleeping. I feel useless and unproductive. I feel like I'm being lazy. I know it's bad, I know it's not healthy or natural. I just feel like I don't deserve to feel the tranquility of sleep, even so, I don't dream. I haven't been dreaming.

When I wake up I just feel..empty. Nothing happened. I was just unknowingly trapped in a void for the past so and so hours.

The only "dreams" ive had this past week was just me being used for something or...other things I don't want to mention. Sometimes I think those dreams where real incidents and I become fearful of the people associated in said dreams.

In other dreams I've had they where all evil and gory. Blood drenched, unsettling and traumatizing. And in all of them I'm always the sadist murderer or some other form of pure violence filled being. Just poeple screaming and fighting, calling me names, etc:

Why do I think about these things? Why have violent thoughts taken such a hold onto my feelings and thoughts?

Am I really a monster?

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