Why is it that as soon as someone becomes famous, they immediately become a total scumbag? I've noticed that with a lot of the celebs I used to be a fan when I was younger turned out to be bad people and it drives me crazy because that's what's led to me feeling like a bad person ever since I was 16. I've lost count of how many people I've unsubscribed from/unfollowed/stopped supporting overall because of the things they did at this point. And my childhood is ruined because of a lot of them. Ino89777, KittyDog, Pogo (the person that made the song from the "Forget" animation meme), MrMrPizza, Justin Roiland, MandoPony, TokyosRevenge, the list is endless at this point. Just knowing that I used to be a fan of these people still makes me sick to my stomach and like I said, it has ever since I was 16, which was when I found out that MandoPony was a p3d0, which led to me feeling really guilty for how I used to like his FNAF and Undertale songs when I was younger. I still like FNAF and Undertale but I just don't listen to his music anymore; and when I found out that Ino89777 was a bad person. That was when I trashed Cupcake (my main fursona) just because she was a Dutch Angel Dragon and while I'm over that part (the trashing my fursona part), I still feel, for a lack of better words, betrayed by these people because I didn't think that they were like this and if I'm being honest, I still feel like a bad person because of all this. I'm getting the feeling that you just can't trust anyone famous anymore. I know that not everyone that's famous is bad but I just hate how all the bad people get all the attention and nobody focuses on the good ones anymore.

Do I seem like someone that should be cancelled for any reason? If so, what would said reason be? I just have this major fear (at this point, I will admit it's most likely an irrational fear) of being cancelled because with the current state that cancel culture is in, everyone resorts to bullying and sending death threats instead of calling someone out while still being civil. Now I know in some cases, cancel culture can be a good thing but I feel like most people take it way too far (which is why I stay away from Twitter and have been taking breaks from TikTok from time to time) and that's what's led to this stupid fear I have of it. I never handled bullying well so if I end up getting cancelled in the future, regardless of the reason, it's not going to be fun for me. At all. For the most part, I am pretty good at admitting when I've done or said something that I shouldn't have and my apologies are always sincere/honest but it seems like that's still not enough to keep people from hating you for the rest of your life all because you're not 100% perfect like most people expect from everyone, which is a very unrealistic standard to hold anyone up to. I just keep worrying that I'm not the good person that everyone says I am and that I'll end up losing all my friends all because of something random.

My dog Aires has to go to the vet to get a lump checked out. Could be nothing. Could be something.
He barely left an hour ago and I'm already worried sick.

HE'S OK
It's a fatty tumor and he got allergy treatments, so the tumor is non lethal or cancerous and he should be more happy.

So, you know how a while back, I got upset because it seemed like everyone only cares about my old posts from a long time ago? Like, 2, 3+ years ago? Well, it's the same with YouTube comments. Some asswipe just replied to a comment I made a whole ass YEAR ago. And it was on a dumb age regression video I watched when I was 17. Basically, they said that if I'm 18, I should stop regressing because my childhood is over and that I should pay taxes/rent. Like, bitch, I have a job but I can't afford a ducking house yet! And I don't live in a place owned by someone else so I can't fucking pay the fucking rent, dumbass! Because of their reply to my OLD comment, I felt like I had to LIE just to be treated respectfully. Now I just want to throw away all my coloring books, my regression journal and give away all my stuffed animals because I told them I left everything childish behind. I know my childhood is technically over but I'm still struggling to finally be living my adult life. I've made SOME progress but I'm not 100% there. I'm not in my first relationship yet, my job isn't a daily 9-to-5, I'm just not living my adult life 100% and I feel like a fucking failure. And I'm turning 19 in a little over a month. I'm feeling embarrassed of how I wanted to throw a SpongeBob party for my 19th birthday now. There are two cartoons I've been a fan of for my whole life: SpongeBob and MLP. But since I'm an adult, I guess I should just stop watching them. I've already stopped watching my other comfort shows so how the fuck would this be any fucking different? I hate being childlike at 18! I hate being an adult! I hate being different! I hate being alive! If this is how people are going to treat me just because I'm an adult, I'd rather try to be who they want me to be because all I want is a little fucking respect and I'll change everything about myself if it's fucking necessary. I'm just so. Motherfucking. Done. At this point. I can't fucking do this anymore. I just can't.

I really wish my family could treat me like an adult. For about a month or two after my birthday earlier this year, EVERYONE was always reminding me that I'm an adult now and I was always thinking "Don't. Fucking. Remind me." Now those same people treat me like I'm a literal fetus. Whenever I try to talk, they immediately cut me off, they never let me finish, they make assumptions about me when I'm RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM, they never take me seriously, it's driving me crazy! And with my mom, I'm trying my best to be patient with her but a few months ago, I told her there ate times where I want to be treated like a kid and times where I want to be treated like an adult. She told me to make up my mind so I said "If that's the case, I'd rather be treated like an adult" and yet, she STILL talks to me and treats me like I'm a baby. If she wants to treat me like a baby so bad, why couldn't she have done it when I used to age regress? She just HAD to wait until I GAVE UP on it to treat me like this. Reeeeeal good timing, Mom. (Please note that that last sentence was sarcasm) What pisses me off even more is that she knows other adults who are younger than her but she doesn't treat THEM like babies so why am I treated differently?! I told her I wanted to be treated like an ADULT! She made me make a choice, I made it and I feel like she doesn't respect it. It's not really the case but it feels that way. She doesn't expect this of me but I've given up on so many things to try to prove to her (and the rest of my family but mainly her) that I can be mature. I stopped age regressing when I was 17 (My stress levels have been really high since then but it's worth it), I gave up on my current comfort anime since its target audience was kids ages 6 through 12, I stopped watching MLP (Although I still like it), I stopped playing Disney Universe months ago since that was a kids' game, I stopped wearing hair bows and unicorn headbands out in public, I gave up on a lot of things to try to get my point across and for some reason, Mom STILL isn't getting the message. I'm trying to find more adult interests to see if she'll finally treat me like every other adult she knows. I am mature when I need to be and even then, she still treats me like a baby. At this point, I just wish backwards time travel were possible so I could be a little kid again. I just miss having the freedom to truly be yourself without always having to worry about your own family bullying you for it. Another important note: MOST of the people in my family aren't toxic/abusive, some do have toxic behaviors, though. But I still wish they respected me enough to treat me like the thing they always remind me that I am, which is an A D U L T. I'm really not looking forward to being 19 next year because I feel like things will just get worse from there and I'll have to put myself through even more Hell just to prove my point to everyone.

Recently, because of how the voice in my head keeps telling me that I'm a bad person, I've been giving up on my interests and coping mechanisms just to prove to myself and others that I'm not. Or, at least, I try not to be. It's been driving me crazy. My stress levels have been through the fucking roof and I don't know how to deal with it anymore. I try not to talk about this anymore since it's in the past but I gave up on my age regression because I couldn't handle the bullying I dealt with because of it as well as there being too many bad things being said about it in general. Things like "You're just ignoring your problems", "Stop acting like this and grow up", "Get help", "This isn't healthy" and other things that slowly pushed me away from it. I wish 17-year-old me never even started doing that in the first place. Then I wouldn't be feeling like I did something wrong, even though everyone keeps telling me that I didn't. I also gave up on my old comfort anime because of the fandom being problematic as fuck and while I regret being in said fandom, I also kinda miss it. I also still miss my old comfort characters. I hate how I'm like this but I keep crying whenever I think about them. I just still really miss them, even though I feel like I shouldn't. And I'm getting EXTREMELY close to giving up on my current comfort anime for two reasons. 1: There are/were so many fucking creeps in the fandom, just like the other one and 2: I_m ashamed of how I'm 18 and I'm a fan of an anime made for kids. I'm literally a fucking adult now! Why can't I just be a normal one for once?! I really don't want to give up on my current comfort anime/comfort characters but I'm getting really close to that point and it's honestly pissing me off. This is the only way I know how to deal with being made fun of for something and I just don't know how to break the cycle. I'm just so fed up with all of this. Every time I gain interest in something or find a new coping mechanism that I think might help me, something almost immediately ends up completely fucking ruining it for me. All I want is to just be in at least ONE fandom and/or keep ONE coping mechanism without a bunch of fucking creepos and other toxic shitheads ruining it for me! IS THAT REALLY TOO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK?! IS IT?! I REALLY can't keep giving up on things that I like/help me to de-stress but I'm just desperate to show that I'm (hopefully) not as bad of a person as everyone thinks I am so I'm willing to give up on all my interests if that's what I need to do to prove that point. Because I've given up on a lot of my healthier coping mechanisms, I've gone back to pulling my hair out and now I have this big bald spot on my head and it makes me feel ugly. Trichotillomania can kiss my ass. I fucking hate it! I've been dealing with it for about 10 or 11 years and it's been Hell! And I've been getting this urge to cry myself to sleep every night but instead of doing that, I just listen to hyperpop music for hours on end. Between all of this bullshit, the fact that I still haven't fully gotten over the death of my grandma, my godmother and my cat and this voice in my head being a fucking asshole, I've ended up feeling like shit like I did during the first four months of 2021. I just can't keep doing this anymore. I just can't. I've given up on so much already and it still leaves me feeling down most of the time. I don't want to have to give up on my other interests but like I said, it's all I know how to do when I start feeling like this. I've been like this for years so to an extent, I'm used to it.

Recently, because of how the voice in my head keeps telling me that I'm a bad person, I've been giving up on my interests and coping mechanisms just to prove to myself and others that I'm not. Or, at least, I try not to be. It's been driving me crazy. My stress levels have been through the fucking roof and I don't know how to deal with it anymore. I try not to talk about this anymore since it's in the past but I gave up on my age regression because I couldn't handle the bullying I dealt with because of it as well as there being too many bad things being said about it in general. Things like "You're just ignoring your problems", "Stop acting like this and grow up", "Get help", "This isn't healthy" and other things that slowly pushed me away from it. I wish 17-year-old me never even started doing that in the first place. Then I wouldn't be feeling like I did something wrong, even though everyone keeps telling me that I didn't. I also gave up on my old comfort anime because of the fandom being problematic as fuck and while I regret being in said fandom, I also kinda miss it. I also still miss my old comfort characters. I hate how I'm like this but I keep crying whenever I think about them. I just still really miss them, even though I feel like I shouldn't. And I'm getting EXTREMELY close to giving up on my current comfort anime for two reasons. 1: There are/were so many fucking creeps in the fandom, just like the other one and 2: I_m ashamed of how I'm 18 and I'm a fan of an anime made for kids. I'm literally a fucking adult now! Why can't I just be a normal one for once?! I really don't want to give up on my current comfort anime/comfort characters but I'm getting really close to that point and it's honestly pissing me off. This is the only way I know how to deal with being made fun of for something and I just don't know how to break the cycle. I'm just so fed up with all of this. Every time I gain interest in something or find a new coping mechanism that I think might help me, something almost immediately ends up completely fucking ruining it for me. All I want is to just be in at least ONE fandom and/or keep ONE coping mechanism without a bunch of fucking creepos and other toxic shitheads ruining it for me! IS THAT REALLY TOO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK?! IS IT?! I REALLY can't keep giving up on things that I like/help me to de-stress but I'm just desperate to show that I'm (hopefully) not as bad of a person as everyone thinks I am so I'm willing to give up on all my interests if that's what I need to do to prove that point. Because I've given up on a lot of my healthier coping mechanisms, I've gone back to pulling my hair out and now I have this big bald spot on my head and it makes me feel ugly. Trichotillomania can kiss my ass. I fucking hate it! I've been dealing with it for about 10 or 11 years and it's been Hell! And I've been getting this urge to cry myself to sleep every night but instead of doing that, I just listen to hyperpop music for hours on end. Between all of this bullshit, the fact that I still haven't fully gotten over the death of my grandma, my godmother and my cat and this voice in my head being a fucking asshole, I've ended up feeling like shit like I did during the first four months of 2021. I just can't keep doing this anymore. I just can't. I've given up on so much already and it still leaves me feeling down most of the time. I don't want to have to give up on my other interests but like I said, it's all I know how to do when I start feeling like this. I've been like this for years so to an extent, I'm used to it.

Recently, because of how the voice in my head keeps telling me that I'm a bad person, I've been giving up on my interests and coping mechanisms just to prove to myself and others that I'm not. Or, at least, I try not to be. It's been driving me crazy. My stress levels have been through the fucking roof and I don't know how to deal with it anymore. I try not to talk about this anymore since it's in the past but I gave up on my age regression because I couldn't handle the bullying I dealt with because of it as well as there being too many bad things being said about it in general. Things like "You're just ignoring your problems", "Stop acting like this and grow up", "Get help", "This isn't healthy" and other things that slowly pushed me away from it. I wish 17-year-old me never even started doing that in the first place. Then I wouldn't be feeling like I did something wrong, even though everyone keeps telling me that I didn't. I also gave up on my old comfort anime because of the fandom being problematic as fuck and while I regret being in said fandom, I also kinda miss it. I also still miss my old comfort characters. I hate how I'm like this but I keep crying whenever I think about them. I just still really miss them, even though I feel like I shouldn't. And I'm getting EXTREMELY close to giving up on my current comfort anime for two reasons. 1: There are/were so many fucking creeps in the fandom, just like the other one and 2: I_m ashamed of how I'm 18 and I'm a fan of an anime made for kids. I'm literally a fucking adult now! Why can't I just be a normal one for once?! I really don't want to give up on my current comfort anime/comfort characters but I'm getting really close to that point and it's honestly pissing me off. This is the only way I know how to deal with being made fun of for something and I just don't know how to break the cycle. I'm just so fed up with all of this. Every time I gain interest in something or find a new coping mechanism that I think might help me, something almost immediately ends up completely fucking ruining it for me. All I want is to just be in at least ONE fandom and/or keep ONE coping mechanism without a bunch of fucking creepos and other toxic shitheads ruining it for me! IS THAT REALLY TOO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK?! IS IT?! I REALLY can't keep giving up on things that I like/help me to de-stress but I'm just desperate to show that I'm (hopefully) not as bad of a person as everyone thinks I am so I'm willing to give up on all my interests if that's what I need to do to prove that point. Because I've given up on a lot of my healthier coping mechanisms, I've gone back to pulling my hair out and now I have this big bald spot on my head and it makes me feel ugly. Trichotillomania can kiss my ass. I fucking hate it! I've been dealing with it for about 10 or 11 years and it's been Hell! And I've been getting this urge to cry myself to sleep every night but instead of doing that, I just listen to hyperpop music for hours on end. Between all of this bullshit, the fact that I still haven't fully gotten over the death of my grandma, my godmother and my cat and this voice in my head being a fucking asshole, I've ended up feeling like shit like I did during the first four months of 2021. I just can't keep doing this anymore. I just can't. I've given up on so much already and it still leaves me feeling down most of the time. I don't want to have to give up on my other interests but like I said, it's all I know how to do when I start feeling like this. I've been like this for years so to an extent, I'm used to it.

Recently, because of how the voice in my head keeps telling me that I'm a bad person, I've been giving up on my interests and coping mechanisms just to prove to myself and others that I'm not. Or, at least, I try not to be. It's been driving me crazy. My stress levels have been through the fucking roof and I don't know how to deal with it anymore. I try not to talk about this anymore since it's in the past but I gave up on my age regression because I couldn't handle the bullying I dealt with because of it as well as there being too many bad things being said about it in general. Things like "You're just ignoring your problems", "Stop acting like this and grow up", "Get help", "This isn't healthy" and other things that slowly pushed me away from it. I wish 17-year-old me never even started doing that in the first place. Then I wouldn't be feeling like I did something wrong, even though everyone keeps telling me that I didn't. I also gave up on my old comfort anime because of the fandom being problematic as fuck and while I regret being in said fandom, I also kinda miss it. I also still miss my old comfort characters. I hate how I'm like this but I keep crying whenever I think about them. I just still really miss them, even though I feel like I shouldn't. And I'm getting EXTREMELY close to giving up on my current comfort anime for two reasons. 1: There are/were so many fucking creeps in the fandom, just like the other one and 2: I_m ashamed of how I'm 18 and I'm a fan of an anime made for kids. I'm literally a fucking adult now! Why can't I just be a normal one for once?! I really don't want to give up on my current comfort anime/comfort characters but I'm getting really close to that point and it's honestly pissing me off. This is the only way I know how to deal with being made fun of for something and I just don't know how to break the cycle. I'm just so fed up with all of this. Every time I gain interest in something or find a new coping mechanism that I think might help me, something almost immediately ends up completely fucking ruining it for me. All I want is to just be in at least ONE fandom and/or keep ONE coping mechanism without a bunch of fucking creepos and other toxic shitheads ruining it for me! IS THAT REALLY TOO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK?! IS IT?! I REALLY can't keep giving up on things that I like/help me to de-stress but I'm just desperate to show that I'm (hopefully) not as bad of a person as everyone thinks I am so I'm willing to give up on all my interests if that's what I need to do to prove that point. Because I've given up on a lot of my healthier coping mechanisms, I've gone back to pulling my hair out and now I have this big bald spot on my head and it makes me feel ugly. Trichotillomania can kiss my ass. I fucking hate it! I've been dealing with it for about 10 or 11 years and it's been Hell! And I've been getting this urge to cry myself to sleep every night but instead of doing that, I just listen to hyperpop music for hours on end. Between all of this bullshit, the fact that I still haven't fully gotten over the death of my grandma, my godmother and my cat and this voice in my head being a fucking asshole, I've ended up feeling like shit like I did during the first four months of 2021. I just can't keep doing this anymore. I just can't. I've given up on so much already and it still leaves me feeling down most of the time. I don't want to have to give up on my other interests but like I said, it's all I know how to do when I start feeling like this. I've been like this for years so to an extent, I'm used to it.